Content warning: This article contains descriptions of sexual assault.
"So when did you lose your virginity?" she asked me.
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I froze up, hit with panic and anxiety.
On the spot, I made up a good story about how I lost my virginity. But the truth was — for me and for so many others — my first time having sex was not consensual.
In September 2019, a study done by researchers for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 1 out of every 16 women said their first sexual intercourse was nonconsensual.
In 2020, we hear story after story of sexual assault in the news. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will be the victim of sexual violence in his or her lifetime.
While you could have good intentions in asking someone about how they lost their virginity or when the last time they had sex was, the impact can be very different depending on one's personal experience. As a survivor, I'm actually at a place in my healing journey where I am owning what happened to me.
And if people ask me about my first time, I will tell them my first time was not consensual.
I don't tell people this to feel bad for me, I don't say it to make things awkward or to make them uncomfortable. I tell them the authentic truth hoping it will spark a conversation and open up people's eyes to the reality of sexual assault. Sexual assault statistics speak for themselves but when you put a face and story to a statistic it becomes real.
So, next time you want to know about someone's sex life, take a moment and remember not everyone's first time is consensual.
