I am indecisive, but I know what I want. I can never say I'm anything, because I always fall into the grey area in between choices. I came to college set. I was going to my dream school, with the greatest roommate I could have possibly ever ended up with. My major was perfect for me, l loved accounting in high school. I thought I had the next four years of my life figured out.
They say college is the best four years of your life, and to enjoy them. I have yet to agree that my first year on campus is one of the greatest years of my life, because to be blatantly honest, it's been hell. I have never been so stressed, and so unsure about anything in my life than I have been about this year.
I came to campus and was hoping this was my get away from a relationship that ended six months before I even started college. I cut ties, expressed I was cutting ties, yet it was the beginning of harassment. I was a week into college, when I was in my RA's room crying to a police officer who was begging me to tell my story to him. After that week, I started to question whether my dream school was truly my dream school.
When your dream changes, remember to breathe. That's the only way you are going to get through anything alive. Breathing seems like such an involuntary task. We do it without questioning it, but sometimes we just have to sit down and take a breath of fresh air before we continue to freak out.
When your dream changes, remember change is necessary. I was sitting in my English class when the professor asked what we or other's fear. Someone said "change." I will never understand why people fear change. We are so used to a routine, but routine doesn't allow yourself for growth. The moment you're put in a situation that is new to you, is the moment you are learning, you are expanding, and you are growing. If we, as humans, never changed, what would our lives look like? Would we be born our age, and stay that age forever? You would never be able to experience all of life's greatest offerings and experiences.
When your dream changes, remember you didn't fail yourself. I grew up wanting to be a police officer until I shattered my ankle and went through two knee surgeries. Then, I wanted to be a plastic surgeon, until I took health occupations classes, shadowed a surgeon and decided it wasn't for me. Then I wanted to be a forensic accountant and although I took three classes of accounting in high school, I still hate math. The amount of math that is necessary to even get a degree in accounting, is just not for me. You have dreams, unknowing of what that dream is really like. When you work so hard to get to where you want to be, you're not going to allow your dream to slip through your fingertips. You face reality and realize that there may be other things that are better suited for you, and your lifestyle. I didn't fail myself on being a police officer, a plastic surgeon or an accountant. I found something that better suited me, something that I can foresee myself doing for the rest of my life.
When your dream changes, remember you have the ability to dream bigger. Why be an accountant for a company, when I could own my own company? Why stop at my dream, when I can achieve bigger? Life isn't written, and it's definitely not a set in stone type of situation. Your dream may not be the highest achievement you can accomplish, so keep dreaming.
What I wanted at ten years old was to be a police officer.
What I wanted at twelve years old was to go to the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater.
What I wanted at sixteen years old was to wear a football jersey to Friday night's game.
What I wanted at seventeen years old was to get through high school alive.
What I wanted at eighteen years old was to stay single during my first year of college.
What I wanted my first semester of college was to be an accountant.
What I want now is to figure out what I truly want.
I no longer want to be a police officer. UW-Whitewater is no longer my dream school, but I can't say i'll actually transfer. Wearing a football jersey to Friday night's game or to get through high school is no longer a concern of mine. I wouldn't trade my relationship for the world. I do not want to be an accountant, or to even study business.
I grew up, but I have much more growing up to do. I lived through things and I have experiences that have changed my mind about things that I initially thought I had all figured out. I do not know what my current dreams are, but that does not mean that my next dreams won't change in a year or two.
When YOU change, remember your DREAMS change too.
