When you're an athlete, and you step out on the field or the court you get this amazing rush. You feel important and invincible; everything you have ever loathed about yourself evaporates. Everything that you're struggling with in your daily life is pushed into that dusty corner of your mind, with the rest of the relics you cease to care about. My coach says, stepping out on the field is a blessing. Few are privileged enough to do so. For a few hours a day, everything that's wrong in our worlds can be ignored while we focus on something we truly love; something that improves who we are as individuals. But what do you do when these feelings are taken from you?
Last year I was lucky enough to call myself a collegiate athlete for the first time. College was a whole new game, and it was no easy task. But I loved it. I loved the long hours of practice, sweat, and even the fact I was going broke from all the laundry I had to do, because at least that meant I was working hard. Three weeks into that season something changed.
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During practice, I was hit pretty hard and hit the ground even harder. Everything went hazy, just like the chances of playing that fall. I got diagnosed with the injury that can't be seen (coined that from my neurologist); a concussion. I thought I'd sit out a week, past the test, and be back just like I had previously, from minor concussions. No big deal. I mean how serious can something be if you can't even see it? That's because a 15 symptom ranking chart doesn't provide you with all the facts. It doesn't tell you how it may take months to get back to who you are. It doesn't tell you how you'll give Dominos the wrong number and wait two hours for a pizza you'll never hear about. It doesn't tell you that you'll accidentally tip a waitress the entire amount of the bill when you space out.
It doesn't tell you how your parents will think you're intoxicated because you're speaking gibberish on the phone. It doesn't tell you that a normal task like walking to class feels like a war zone of sounds and lights that make you cringe. It doesn't tell you that studying and taking exams is like trying to focus when your focus level is at a 0. It doesn't tell you about the numerous MRI's you'll have to have every few months, or the severe drugs you'll take daily for migraines; drugs that the neurologist tells you that you may have to be on for years. It doesn't tell you how you want to cry when people scream on Saturday nights in the hallways, or when people think you're going crazy because you're hearing things they don't like a click of a pen across the lecture hall that sounds like a wrecking ball knocking over a small building.
It doesn't tell you how embarrassed you are every time you can't pass that stupid test; and thinking that everyone thinks you're faking most of it, even if they don't actually think that. It doesn't tell you how you feel like a disappointment and a baby to all your teammates because no one else can see how you actually feel. It doesn't tell you that a year later you may be nervous around inside pitches or anything that comes close to hitting your head because one little bump may end your career. It doesn't tell you about the aftermath; the little things you notice that aren't as sharp as they used to be.
I've had other injuries, of course, but not like that. All in all, I'm writing this to the athletes who at one time or another have been taken out of the game. Being injured can be a devastating and demoralizing experience. I have seen teammates with lost scholarships, lost careers, and even lost limbs in my time as an athlete. And being chronically injured is definitely one of the hardest things any athlete may have to deal with. And unfortunately, most people will have to go through that process. I am not here to tell you how to feel because everyone has different injuries that inflict a different kind of emotional trauma on the human psyche. However, from what I have learned, this is what I can tell you about coping.
Recognize the Injury
Many athletes tend to put their symptoms on the back burner, and diminish the actual tension they're feeling. You fight at all costs to stay in the game, but pushing yourself through an injury will just make it worst. It is important that when you notice any unusual aches or sudden pains you immediately get checked out so no further damage can be inflicted. Once you come to terms with your injury and the time you'll have to spend away from your sport, you can set a path to recovery.
Think positive
This may be the hardest part of coping with an injury. You need to stay strong and focus on the recovery process. You need to set small goals daily, rather than just one big goal of getting back on the field. Every milestone of recovery is a victory.
Find out who you are when you're not playing
For most athletes, their sport is a part of their identity. Many experience an existential crisis when they're suddenly ripped apart from who they are. It almost feels like a really bad breakup. You need to take time to figure out who you are without your sport. Take up a new hobby, or spend time with friends. Sitting around dwelling on it, will only make you more depressed and diminish your self-esteem. You don't have to forget your sport, you just have to find other pieces of your identity.
Find your support system
At least for me, this wasn't so hard. I had a great team and family and coaches that were there for me every step of the way. You need people that you can talk to about your feelings throughout the recovery process. And sometimes that person may just have to be you. You may have to motivate yourself sometimes. Just as you did when you were out on that field, do it now through recovery. Make yourself try harder, may yourself push through the program, make yourself better. Because that's what athletes do. That is what YOU do.
Put your injury into perspective
There are injuries where you'll be back in a week, a month, a year, and sometimes never. And any one of those can make you feel like its the end of the world. But the point is, it's not. Please take the time to write down or even think about all the blessings in your life. Because, your breathing, and you're alive. And that is a privilege denied to many every day. In some cases, this chapter of your life may be over, but it's not the end of the book. It's just the start of a new chapter, a chapter that may be scary and different, but still can be full of purpose.
If you have the opportunity to grace that field/court again
Never take playing for granted. Never complain about the conditioning or the lifts. I can tell you that phrases like, " But I hate running" and "I'm too tired for morning practice," have been removed from my vocabulary. Because we have seen the other side, and more importantly we need to consider the hundreds of other athletes who will never see this side again. Never, ever take the sport you love for granted. Give every ounce of your being to the game you love. Never quit, never get lazy, and never hang your head after a bad game. Because now, stats, awards, and our egos are nothing compared to the ability to play. The ability to put that uniform on and represent your student body in a way that makes you happy to be alive. That's what matters. So, play every practice and game like it's your last, because it very well could be.
So to the athletes who are facing a chronic injury. You're not alone. And this isn't the end of the line for you. Being a chronically injured athlete is not a punishment. It is a testament of what being an athlete is truly about. It reminds us that playing a sport is truly about pushing your body and your mind to its absolute limit, using all the strength you have and every bit of breath in your body to finish the practice, game, or meet. It isn't about the trophies, titles, or rings (though those are great goals to have, I have them too), it is about the overwhelming surge of pride and camaraderie from pushing yourself and your teammates. It's about the feeling you get every time you step on the field, and how it makes you a better person. Having a chronic injury can be an eye opener. It can help you rediscover the love of a game you may have taken for granted at one point. It can make you into a stronger individual with a greater sense of who you are. And lastly, it can show you all the little things you're blessed with. Like the ability to breathe and even the ability to be reading this right now.
