The only place to go from here, is up.

The day I stopped caring, I had a conversation with someone whom I did not want to have a relationship with. I didn’t know what to say or how to say it. I just knew that going into something that I was not ready for was not going to work, so I stopped it.

I’ve been wondering since then if that makes me a mean person but, then I realize that’s exactly what society wants me to think. We are so wrapped up in conforming to what society expects of each and every one of us and it’s time that we stop caring what the world thinks about us and our actions. We cannot go on in life, only doing what is expected of us; what our parents expect us to do and even more so, what society expects us to do. The day I stopped caring, it felt as though one million pounds had been lifted off of my shoulders. It wasn’t just the guy who didn’t work out that has prompted me to change the way I think. It was more of a cumulation of events that added up to the stoppage of a relationship that I didn’t even want.

As I stopped, I sat wondering what would happen if I just let myself do what I want, instead of what other people want me to do. Now, it may sound like I’ve gone rogue but, I promise that this is just a normal existential crisis (don’t worry). Since as long as I can remember or, rather, since that girl in fourth grade called me a fat baby, I’ve always been incredibly cautious about my actions and I’ve been extra careful around the people I’ve surrounded myself with. I was scared of disappointing someone or making them mad or losing yet another “friend” to middle and high school’s black hole we call popularity. I’ve always cared too much and it’s time I stopped.

The day I stopped caring will probably have such an effect on me, longer lasting than I’ll ever know.

I was so wrapped up in the idea of a relationship that I didn’t even take the time to process what that would entail. Yes, I liked this guy and yeah, I thought that I could see something happening. As soon as I admitted my feelings (or what I thought my feelings were), the whole thing skyrocketed and started moving at such an increasingly fast pace that I just lost all control of myself and the situation. I let it get out of control and that is my fault. I got so caught up in all the cute name calling and giving of compliments, that I lost myself almost all together. I won’t let that happen again.

The day I stopped caring gave me a whole new outlook on life. I know people say that all the time and then revert to their old ways but, I really feel as though I’ve been given a fresh outlook on my life. I’m going to start doing things that make me happy, instead of what I think will make others happy. It’s time I started changing the way I live my life, and it started on May 12th. The day I stopped caring, I changed in the best way possible. I’m truly excited to see what this summer and the rest of the year has in store because, I can handle anything. I’m ready.