Everyone cannot be happy every single day and that’s a fact, but depression is more than just sadness. When people say “I’m feeling so depressed,” it's a misconception of what the term depression actually means because it is not just an occasional feeling of sadness—it's a struggle to find happiness in everyday life. It is not a daily choice—it's an affliction on everyday mood. It's a paralysis of a person’s mental and emotional well-being—which sometimes even leads to physical. Whether a traumatizing experience happened in their life, they lost a loved one, or they just cannot rid feelings on loneliness or hopelessness—depression does not discriminate against its victims.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, depression and anxiety are the leading causes of disability in the U.S for people ages 15-44. Major Depressive Disorder affects more than 15 million American adults and Persistent Depressive Disorder (formerly called dysthymia), a form that usually continues for at least two years, affects about 3.3 million adults.

It can be especially difficult to handle it in a relationship. If your boyfriend or girlfriend suffers from depression—whether you met them like that, or it formed while you were dating—just know it is important to stick by them in time of need. If you both suffer from depression, just know you can get through it together and it’s nobody’s fault. Here's some advice on how love can heal.

1. Space—not neglect

Depression sinks you into a hole and isolates you. Sometimes, the only sanctuary that can be found is in a warm bed tucked away from the world. Just because your significant other may be depressed and need some space, just know it’s not neglect—it’s personal healing. It is good to be concerned if your lover doesn’t want to see you or spend the night with you for weeks at a time, but sleeping alone can sometimes be a good thing. Give your lover some space when needed and let them know you'll be there when they are ready to open up.

2. Irritability—don’t take it personal

When a depressed person is in a relationship, their symptoms affect both partners. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, the symptoms of clinical depression include having a persistent sad, anxious, or empty mood, feelings of hopelessness, decreased energy or fatigue, loss of interest and pleasure, as well as irritability—to name a few. When a depressed person is irritable, it’s more than likely that aggression will be taken out on their partner quite often. It’s important to keep in mind that even though there is no excuse for treating people badly, you can’t take everything to heart. Sometimes a heated argument over trivial things can blow up into a huge fight—name calling, threatening, emotional breakdowns and many hurtful words and actions can result from irritability. Prolonging a fight is never the answer. Whether you want to get in the last word or just let them know they are flat-out wrong—sometimes it’s best to just walk away in a tense moment. Wait until the anger subsides and approach it calmly later. Let them know you are here to help, not tell them they are wrong.

3. Sensitive—feeling unwanted or unworthy

Depression affects people’s sense of worth and makes them feel like they don’t deserve something or aren’t capable of handling it. Partners often stress about if they are good enough for their significant other. It is not always in a jealous or insecure way, but it may be they just don’t feel good enough. Many people fear their lover will get tired of dealing with their problems and leave them. It is very important to always reassure your loved one even if you think they are being ridiculous.

4. Pessimism

Depressed people tend to always find bad in all the good—unintentionally. Along with feeling unworthy, depression makes you feel undeserving. Someone can be having a great time and all it takes is one sudden thought about something so miniscule to bring them down—disabling the positive endorphins from releasing and blocking the mind’s happiness. Tonya Ladipo, LCSW and therapist in Philadelphia, believes the key to feeling worthy and deserving is to reevaluate your life and work on making the changes needed through self-appreciation. In a blog post on GoodTherapy.org she said to first ask yourself if you deserve good things in your life and why or why not. This is a good exercise to do with a depressed loved one.

“Many times, these buried thoughts come from long-ago experiences that hurt us and continue to influence us today. If you don’t uncover them, you can’t change them!," Ladipo said.

She said to conduct a true investigation of past experiences with more than just perspective. She recommends to think about why you felt undeserving in the past and ask at least three unbiased people for their opinion about the validity, or lack thereof, of these thoughts. Write that down as well, then try to compare the new answers with thoughts from the past and why you may have felt that way. Have you taken any action to make changes in your life since then? Ask people what changes they have seen and then ask yourself. Pessimism can be improved by weighing out the optimism. Encouragement is the number one thing a loved one needs in hard times. Balance out your optimism with their pessimism.

5. Needs support—not frustration

Positive reinforcement is key rather than criticism. Unless it is something that is putting them in danger, you wouldn’t criticize your friend’s actions even if you thought they were wrong. You would support them and try to give them the best advice. You should treat your significant other the same exact way. After all, they are supposed to be your best friend too. Always give constructive criticism rather than "teach them a lesson."

6. Recognition and solace—it’s not a choice, we are in this together

A relationship is made up of two equal parts that create a unified whole. Happiness would not feel so good if we didn't triumph pain and suffering. Love between two people wouldn't be as strong without any difficulties along the way. Always remember that nobody chooses to be depressed and sometimes people don't have the courage to seek help. Comforting your loved one and trying to find help in time of need is all you can do. Depression cannot be fixed easily, but a life can be saved with love and compassion.

Please never hesitate to ask for help if you or a loved one suffers from mental illness. Read more information on depression and how to seek help here.