Sometimes you're on the top of the world; everything seems to be working out just perfectly. You smile and laugh more than you stress and panic. Your hopes for the future are high and you have no reason for your expectations to be lower. School seems to be going smoothly, friendships are blossoming and thriving, boredom and loneliness are at a minimum, and it's safe to say you're in a general state of happiness.
And then you fall.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, your world is crashing down. Your grades are slipping; your motivation to bring them up is nearly nonexistent because your future seems irrelevant. You feel alone in a crowd of people, and you solve that by isolating yourself into actually being alone. Texts go unanswered. Assignments wait until the last minute, until the crippling anxiety over not having them completed is your only source of motivation to get started.
But it happens. I’m sure you've heard that life is like a rollercoaster. It has its ups and down. Sometimes you feel like you're all the way up, and then sometimes out of nowhere it feels like you're taking a full on, free-falling plunge to the bottom of the darkness.
And there you are: standing next to a flickering neon sign saying “Rock Bottom.”
When that happens, remember the high. Remember the friends who brought smiles to your faces and tears from laughter. Don't push them away. Remember the A you got on the assignment you feared could be the end of your days as a college student. Don't let your mind convince you that you aren't capable of success. Remember how it felt to be happy, and know that feeling will come again.
No matter how long it seems like you're trudging through mud and darkness, there is always light around the corner; maybe it's not visible just yet, but it's there. In the darkness. it's hard to see, but there are people around you experiencing the same feelings: the same senses of hopelessness, and loneliness. There are also people who might not be in the darkness with you, but they're still holding a light by your side to help you through.
Like a roller coaster, there's an end. The darkness doesn't last forever. Feeling this way— feeling this sense of confusion, loneliness, worthlessness, and desperation— isn't permanent. It may feel like you can't remember the last time you were happy, but give it more than a day; give it months, even years, and piece by piece it will be okay.
When you hit rock bottom, it definitely feels like there's no way out. The way out is forward, not back, and by letting people in who might not understand where you are or why you're there, but who care.
Without the lows, we can't fully appreciate the highs. So when you feel the highs, appreciate them fully: write them down; express your gratefulness to those around you; capture pictures where your smile is genuine as you allow yourself to do what you enjoy. Take advantage of the lack of the paralyzing fear you broke free from and allow yourself to be happy.
When you hit rock bottom, the good thing is there's only one way up. Unfortunately, it might not be a one time visit, but with each day comes a new opportunity to keep that high, and to live in that moment.
To end with several cliches: it does get better, and you are not alone. Whether they are walking through the same darkness because that's where their own minds brought them, or whether they're in the darkness by your side to show their support, you are not, and never will be, alone.If the pain in unbearing, reach out. Reach out to a friend, a counselor, or one of these sources.
Crisis Chat
Crisis Text Line (on your smartphone)
IMAlive
International Suicide Hotlines
National Eating Disorders Hotline
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Rape, Abuse, and Incest
Self Injury/ Self Harm
