Starting off I would just like to say that any goodbye is a hard one. I try not to say that word too often because it sounds so final. I usually throw in a "see ya" or "later" or something along those lines. To me, goodbye is forever.
My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer a year or so before I left for college. In the beginning, everything seemed to go smoothly and we were all sure he would make a full recovery. The last semester of my senior year of high school was crazy stressful, but I somehow settled on a college. This particular college happened to be about 7 hours from my home, crossing 3 state lines.
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I can't really remember when everything went downhill, but it happened faster than I could believe. Soon enough my grandma was forced to call hospice because my grandpa's health was declining and the doctors couldn't do much else for him. I spent a lot of days at my grandparents' house after that. Most of my off time was spent talking to my grandpa about anything really. We watched HGTV and FoodNetwork, we talked about how excited we both were for me to go to school and continue my education, and we talked about the past and reminisced over pictures and memories. Out of all the time I spent, there we never talked about the inevitable.
Eventually, the time came when I had to leave for school, my new home, my new adventure. My parents and siblings helped me pack all of my stuff into my mom's Honda and soon we were off to my grandparents' house. My grandparents were sitting on their front porch waiting for us to arrive when we pulled next to the curb. The next 15 minutes were filled with laughs and hugs, but mostly tears. There were a lot of tears shed from my eyes that day, so much so that there were no more tears to cry when my parents actually left me at my dorm. My mom took a picture of my grandpa and I hugging for the last time and it still pains me to look at it.
Fast forward a few weeks...
On August 30th, 2015, my mom texted me and told me that my grandpa wasn't doing too well. I called her and she explained that he was getting very weak and was barely responding to anything. She asked if I would like to come home before he passed so that I could see him one last time and of course I said yes. Before she got off the phone, she moved the phone closer to my grandpa's ear. I told him to hold on until I got home and that I loved him. Soon after, I was rushing to the airport and boarding my plane home.
After stepping off the plane, I immediately started looking for my uncle who was meant to pick me up. Instead, I spotted my dad and sister and I knew immediately. I felt numb the whole car ride home.
The whole week I was home I just felt numb. I didn't cry, I was a shoulder to cry on. It almost felt like I was in a dream. I didn't even cry at the viewing. I couldn't believe that the man in the casket was my grandpa. The moment that realization hit was at the Mass. I was asked to sing during the funeral service in front of all my friends, family, and people of the community showing their support. I had been practicing the entire week and everything had been going smoothly. As soon as the music started and the first word left my mouth, my mind was flooded with memories. I heard my voice crack and felt the water spilling from my eyes. Eventually, I was a sobbing mess. I tried to finish the song, but my body just shook and my voice was only a whisper. Everything that had been building up was just released and that's when I realized that I would never get to see or speak to my grandpa again.
My whole perspective on life and the meaning of family changed that week. I was reminded of the importance of spending time with loved ones. To this day, I wish I would have had the opportunity to see him one last time. The truth is, you never know when you'll say a final goodbye to someone. With that being said, cherish the time spent with people you love and never take their presence in your life for granted.
