In light of the 15th anniversary for 9/11 this past Sunday, you cannot help but take a moment to reflect. Knowing that on one day awhile ago now 3000 people found themselves in a dire situation.
A few weeks ago I was on a plane from Dublin to Chicago when the plane started having an electrical issue and we had to turn back to Dublin. I fly pretty frequently, at least several times a year, and undoubtedly I had never thought I could actually die on an airplane until that day. While the plane eventually landed back in Dublin and we were rescheduled for a flight the next day, the feeling of being in a situation where you have no control over the outcome has stayed with me.
It’s all in the little things…
The way the pilot paced back and forth between the back of the plane and the cockpit with a worried look.
The way the flight attendants quickly put away the food they were handing out and attempted to answer questions as best they could.
The way the girl across the aisle next to me looked at me and said through tears, “I’m already terrified of flying…”
The way the woman to my right kept saying, “I’m sure we are fine, we have got to be fine.” (Kathleen, I definitely had wine on my flight back to calm the nerves!)
The way people were looking around at each other, trying to read each other’s faces and sense what they should be feeling.
The way the plane was losing altitude way faster than any of us liked, each big release further towards the ground.
The way I just clutched my pillow and told myself to just breathe, just try and breathe.
The way you just have no control whatsoever; a feeling of extreme helplessness.
The way you are kind of out of your body, not really believing you are going through this experience.
The way the person who casually sat next to you, all of the sudden might become the person you die next to?
The way it becomes all too real, all too fast.
The way you think about the what if’s…did I tell my family I loved them? Did I show people I cared? What does my life leave behind?
One of the bigger thoughts I had that shook to the core, was what about meeting Jesus face to face? Religious or not, I’m sure this went through people’s thoughts, amidst a million others, on that terrible day. Heaven or hell? What if it IS real? What if all this time, there really was more to life than just trying to be a good person? and for those of us that do believe, the thoughts become, I’m not ready to meet him yet…I didn’t get things the way I wanted them to be before I died yet, I don’t know what I’m going to say or do when I see him…
The point being: what happens when you find yourself there?
I was young when 9/11 happened. But like every American and others from different countries, most of us remember exactly what we were doing and what happened after, and who we were with. My own story follows the same as every else's…I was just doing what I was supposed to be doing. I was living my life and not ever thinking that something the world had never seen before was about to happen.
I remember my family gathered in my parents' bedroom in a circle praying together with the TV on the news, the towers ablaze. I remember looking up at the TV and seeing the clip of the second plane hit the tower, and that is honestly the one thing that my 8-year-old self has not forgotten.
Last year on 9/11, I found myself on top of Torrey’s peak in Colorado, American flags strategically placed on top in remembrance.
This year on 9/11, I found myself in my bedroom, over and over again, watching the second plane hit the tower. I found myself just transfixed with it. Because for a brief time in my life a few weeks earlier, I felt a tiny, tiny bit of what the people on those planes felt. And for some reason, it just shakes me to my core in a way that I have never felt before.
Because on that day, those people did not get to get off the plane.
It was real, and at one point, that day started off normal for them. Doing a normal thing, like getting into an airplane, and yet,
They found themselves there.
And sometimes we find ourselves in situations that we know we are not going to get out off.
9/11 should shake us, it should be a reminder that we are not an invincible nation with invincible people. And it should remind us that we are overcomers, and so is every other nation that has had to watch their people burn in the name of terror, and get up the next day and somehow carry on. 9/11 itself should make all of us stand up when our national anthem is played because it represents all those people on those planes and in those towers who made phone calls no one ever wants to make, and those who drove a plane into the ground, sacrificing themselves to protect their homeland. It’s every firefighter and every serviceman. We are not standing for ourselves, we are standing for them.
So what does happen when you find yourself there, at ground zero, where nothing else in that moment seems to matter but you, just wanting to be safe. Just wanting to be home. Just wanting for people you love to know that you love them. When you feel hopeless and lost, the wall that you thought was so strong suddenly cracked…
We can know that we should think seriously about the life we are living.
We can know that earthly possessions do not matter nearly as much as we think they do.
We can know that the people around us, PEOPLE, matter more.
We can know that whatever we do to fight back, there will be consequences.
We can know that life is best held loosely, and people closely.
We can know that death is certain.
We can know that each person holds a unique value.
And we also know that from these places come stories of resilience, stories of faith and hope, people who became stronger, countries that become more united.
When you find yourself there, looking down into the memorial of 9/11, let it sink in. Let it be somber. Let it suck, because it does.
And more than it all, we can know that there is no place on this Earth that God has not already stood. So when you do find yourself there, you can know that you were never alone.
“Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend into heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in hell, you are there. If I take the wings of morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.” -Psalm 139: 7-10
