It's generally a good thing to be nice. However, being too nice without much in return can end up doing more harm than good. When you're in a relationship, you're supposed to be satisfied with the amount of effort put in by yourself and your significant other. If not, and by scenario, you believe you have been overly accommodating and considerate in comparison to the other person, let them know that it bothers you. And if they aren't willing to adjust, it's a perfectly valid reason to end things entirely because why should you just be putting in the work? Here are common thoughts and feelings had by those who feel the imbalance:
Realizing that you've been too accommodating for the other person will make you feel unsure and insecure about your feelings. Meaning, you will for a while doubt that it's a real problem when in reality it is and must be addressed.
You might not be entirely confident to say that you're being too nice, but let me tell you that if you're reading this, then you probably have felt an abundance of hurt. By the time you realize you've been putting in more work and feeling into the relationship, you've had to have feelings of sadness and loneliness. And by the time you are telling someone you need them to more involved, you have already felt and thought about your place and whether you are actually deserving of their efforts. Let me tell you, you DO. You are not selfish for feeling this way. You deserve to share your concerns with your partner.
You are not selfish to want them to step up their efforts. Likely, things have been unequal and you need to tell them.
Remember that you are feeling the result of an imbalance. If you're in a relationship with a good person, you should be able to express this discomfort you have, and they should listen and try to improve things. Here is a good rule of thumb, if you don't feel a sense of effort after one or two more tries, your partner is not ready or capable of being in a relationship. The cold truth is that if they refuse and aren't able to show their regrets, you should be with someone better who can. There are people out there who are more than happy to be good to you, and you deserve that if your current partner won't.
What do I mean by “be with someone better?"
Well, in relationships, it's very important to be able to improve things. No matter how bad things were before, as long as two people want to see improvement, you will both work on the relationship. In fact, relationships that overcome more hardships and conflicts successfully are stronger than the ones that have never struggled together. When I say “be with someone better," I mean that literally. If your partner doesn't apologize and show you any evidence of them trying harder, you will not be happy. You need someone who is there for you to hear that you need more cooperation for things to work. If someone tells you this, do not take this as hatred towards you, but rather a cry for help in order for you to realize that they want you to cooperate. That they love you and are letting you know what they want instead of giving up.
Once again, if someone tells you to put more effort into the relationship, it DOES NOT mean that it's not going to work out. Forget the past and move up.
When someone shares their concerns of feeling unappreciated and that they have been too nice, it does not mean that they are going to give up on you. Rather, it means that they really want you, and love you, and therefore are letting you know that things can be worked out so that they won't feel this way. Especially if things were rough in the beginning, it is a sign that things CAN BE FIXED! Realistically, there are so many obstacles and bad situations in life, it all depends on if you and your partner are able to be strong, to move on from the past and towards the future to create a happy companionship TOGETHER. Work hard together if you want to be happy together.
In conclusion, the feelings of unfairness kill relationships if they are not taken seriously. It happens all the time even in good relationships because relationships are hard. You'll have periods of happiness but also sadness, but you just need to be strong together. When one person stops to put effort into the relationship, that's when things will immediately start to go wrong. If you're hardworking even during tough times, you know you deserve to be loved, because you are setting yourself to go far with it. Don't hold someone back from feeling appreciated and cared for just because you're afraid of losing what you have in the moment. If you want to be loved, this is your duty. You don't love them if you're not willing to work for it. The truth is, if you're not willing to work hard during tough situations, you deserve to lose what you have, which is is someone much stronger and capable of achieving greater things. Someone capable of great love and patience. Always remind yourself, "great things never come easy."
