Every now and then, life will drop-kick you into an abyss. And every now and then, once you have landed at the bottom, you will look up and realize that there is no one at the top to help pull you out. You will also realize that despite the fact that you have friends, they aren’t the type of friends who, when life gets muddy, are willing to get down in the mud with you. They are surface-level, they are selfish, and they are unable and unwilling to treat you with the same kindness and respect with which you treat them.

As you get older and you go through different challenges in life, you discover who your true friends are. The ones who will drop everything and come rushing to your house when something tragic happens, or who will call or text for no reason other than to ask how your day is going…because that’s what you would do and have done for them. And if you’re like me, as you get older, sometimes you look back on life and see that so many people that you let into your heart ended up stabbing you in the back and leaving you to bleed out. It’s hard not to keep everyone else at arm’s length, and it’s even harder to look at the friends you have left and realize that you have been placed on their back burner as well.

However, something I have been struggling to understand in the past few months is that God always brings good from the bad. His Word says that no matter what life throws at us, and no matter what people do to hurt us, if we simply (even though yes, this is FAR easier said than done) turn to God and say, “I trust you,” He will use the bad experiences to create something beautiful. So despite the fact that so many people I thought I could count on turned out to only be interested in what I was willing to do for them, I have realized that it must mean God has something incredible in store for me.

Genesis 50:20

It can be hard to accept that not all friendships are meant to last forever, no matter how long you’ve already been friends, or how many wonderful memories you share together. Some friendships are only in your life for a specific season and a particular reason, and many times you won’t find out until later why God decided it was time for that door to close.

No matter how many friendships you lose, no matter how many people let you down, and no matter how many “friends” decide to betray you and leave you in the dust, the answer is not to shut everyone else out. Again, easier said than done, as I myself struggle with this daily. After almost 21 years of being stabbed in the heart by people I have loved so dearly, it seems easier for me to just keep everyone at a distance rather than to continually put my heart back on the chopping block. But if I do that, I am missing out on the friendships God has for me that will last forever, and will build me up instead of break me down.

Romans 8:28

It’s definitely a difficult feat, to trust that God knows what He’s doing even when I am struggling and hurting, but every time I start to have negative thoughts, I fight them with The Word. Even if I don’t feel like it all the time, I know that fighting with Scripture is the only way to fight at all.

John 13:7

So to all the friends who have drained me and only called when you needed something from me, I’m sorry to say that it’s time for me to move on. And to the all new friends in my life: if I seem distant or cautious, please be patient with me. It’s hard to open up over and over when you are used to getting crushed, and it takes me longer than most to take that leap of faith into a deeper friendship.