When your partner spends a year telling you how you are the One and he wants to marry you as soon as his divorce is done. When your partner stops saying you are any special as soon as the divorce is over. When your partner has a list of things he doesn't like about you, and the list keeps getting longer and longer every day. When your partner doesn't share responsibilities. When your partner tells you that you are an embarrassment to his friends. When your partner says you are “sick in the head”. When your partner wants "flexibility" and less time with you. When your partner wants to go on vacations without you. When your partner says his feelings have changed towards you but he wants to be with you anyway. When your partner knows you want him at 100% but he doesn't want to give even 50%, unless it's a bill. When your partner ignores you on your special days but takes out his friends to dinners for their birthdays. When your partner tells your couples therapist that Friends come first, and a girlfriend and/or a wife are second priority. When your partner turns your couples therapist against you. When your partner says sure let's spend Saturday together, but only after checking if friend A, B, and C are not available. Because you are not on that priority list of special people. When your partner shouts at you because you want to spend time together but he is too busy for you while readily available for friends. When your partner feels trapped that you want to take vacations together and he wants to take them separately with his friends and not with you. When your partner is going on vacation without you and chooses the two nights before his solo trip to be spent on precious special people, and you don't make it on that list. When your partner is hurt by your words or your actions and his first reaction is to call his mother instead of reaching out to you. When your partner lies to his family about the things he has done and the things he has not done.

When your partner mocks you that you have insecurities on a constant basis and it takes you twelve heavy months to realize that your insecurities around your partner were there for a reason.

When you cannot remember the good times anymore.

When your partner accuses you of sabotaging him and all you've ever wanted was to be with him and make him happy. When your partner lies but accuses you of lying. When your partner humiliates.

For anyone and everyone in a toxic rollercoaster relationship, listen to your gut feeling and open your eyes to the signs. Emotional and verbal abuse are not okay.

I want to thank my insecurities that I was so heavily mocked for, and for a long time, because I now realize I should have listened to those red flags a long time ago.