“I'm wishin’ you the best/Pray that you are blessed/Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness/(I’m better than that)/I’m not gon’ blast you on the radio/(I’m better than that)/I’m not gon’ lie on you and your family/(I’m better than that)/I’m not gonna hate on you in the magazines/(I’m better than that)/I’m not gon compromise my Christianity/(I’m better than that)/You know I'm not gon' diss you on the internet/Cause my mama taught me better than that”
-Destiny’s Child, “Survivor”
Destiny’s Child sings it well--hurt, without answers. Last week, during the Hurricane Matthew evacuation, a friend and I were talking about closure. We are both in similar situations, though everyone at some point does not receive the closure they need and deserve. Maybe someone dies before you can fix things and say goodbye, maybe you were “ghosted,” maybe you and a close friend had a bad break-up and now one of you ignores the other on the street; scenarios like these can be frustrating, heart-breaking and thought-consuming, but we have to move forward.
Moving forward is a process: guilt from hurting someone, shame and confusion from being “cut-off,” etc. These things make it harder, yet we’re the ones left behind to pick up our own pieces and maybe some of theirs as well. It is so much easier said than done, but we have to do it. Whether we pick up a new on-campus group, try to make new friends, pick back up a hobby we forgot about, start meditating--these things can help us move forward. It’s also always helpful to have a listening ear of someone you trust!
We work through it when all we can do has been done. Even when you have moved on from the unexplained hurt, it can be on the back of your mind, a question that pops up when you try to fall asleep: What did I do wrong? You may see them in passing and remember the good times, but don’t allow that to let you falter. You pick yourself up, a little bit, day by day, until you know you’ll be okay. Life is hard enough, so let’s not allow lack of closure to keep us down.
