I am, and always have been, a perfectionist. This aspect of myself pushes me to strive for excellence and there is nothing wrong with that. Yet I realize that perfectionism is unrealistic, which often frustrates me in situations where I just can't seem to get to my desired state of perfection.
When thinking about perfectionism, it is important to think about how this theme might seep into one's personal relationships, particularly when you are supporting a loved one.
When we see someone we love hurting, we want to make the situation ideal for them, we want to take the pain away, make everything better.
Yet there are going to be times when you can't find the right words to say, when you don't how to respond, when you just don't know what possibly could help. The thing is, as much as we can wish and pray to "fix" everything that might be occurring, in most cases, we are not able to and that's okay. The truth is, we aren't meant to. The situation was never ours to fix.
Life is full of its ups and downs and as much as we'd like to, we can't just remove all the sad times from our loved one's lives. What we can do, however, is be there to offer love.
What I've learned from these situations is that the best response is simply offering your presence.
Tell them you care about them. Tell them you love them. Tell them you're there if they need you to listen, to talk about it, to not talk about it, for a hug.
Tell them you can take a step back if they need space, too. I think people often underestimate the fact that when people are processing information and going through their own life journey, they might need some alone time. That is not a reflection of you not being helpful, but their own path they need to follow.
You need to honor your loved one's emotions and need for space as an important and necessary step for them.
We are all different people and that's a beautiful thing. Does it make these types of situations difficult because different people respond to the obstacles they face in different ways? Sure, but this opens us all up to the opportunity for growth and learning.
You're not always going to say or do the right thing, and that's okay. These situations are sticky and messy, yet they are an important part of life.
The best you can do is choose to show up for your people as your truest self.
Choose to be there for them. Keep your focus on them, it matters.
You won't have all the answers and solutions, and that's okay. Like I said, you're not meant to. What we are meant to do, however, is offer whatever strength we can in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, our loved ones will feel some of our love for them and it'll make whatever they are going through just a little bit better.
So yes, I may be a perfectionist, but I have learned that it is the imperfection of these situations that orients us towards the most growth.
It's hard to watch someone you love in pain, especially when you are not able to take the pain away. Yet stay present with them. Listen to their needs.
Keep your focus on your loved ones, that's what matters.
Talk soon,
Sam
