The time came to an end and it was time to go back home. I was excited to get back to the city of Boston. I’ve missed my friends and family, especially my grandmother.
The day of my flight back, I was nervous than usual returning back home. I had many thoughts flowing through my mind about how I would feel seeing my grandmother for the first time since her diagnosed. She has been sick for the past two months and that is around the same time i have been away from home. In my mind, I thought is she in a wheelchair now? Is she in a nursing home? Is she in the hospital now? As i sat on the plane ready for take off-next stop is Boston.
Visiting a sick loved one isn’t always easy but it can be enjoyable time and it should primarily be a comfort for the love one. Knowing my grandmother, I know she wanted to feel loved and thought about. She did not want me to forget about her. She would be concerned about being left out of the “social loop” with the family. I know when I was sick and had visitors it was a welcome distraction from the reality of what was happening to me. It was nice to try and forget about your condition and try to experience “normal” even if it’s for a short period of time. When visiting a sick family member, here are a few suggestions to that may help both the patient and the visitor.
Don’t be afraid to sit in silence.
As with any situation where you are trying to bring comfort and support to a loved one that is suffering, the primary statement we can make is not through any words we speak, but just being in the presence. No need to force conversation, but let it come out and flow naturally. Fight the need to fill in comment when there is silence. If you can’t think of anything to discuss, a simple I love you, I am here for you, or do you need me to do anything for you. Those few comments are more than enough and means so much to them. Since i have been home i have been asking my grandmother to do things for her and once in a while I reminder her that I love her very much.
When visiting, help with concrete task.
With the love one’s consent, help by straightening the bed, putting food together, cleaning up the house, or any other chore(s) that helps the love one surrounding look more appealing and that is well put together. It also might be a good idea to ask your love one if they need you to do something from the “outside” world. When people are usually sick we tend to not have the ability, energy or time to do simple things, which they tend to worry about getting done. Picking up the mail, helping them go through the bills, grocery shopping, or even cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner. What might seem like an easy task for you, can really be beneficial for the person. You have to think about it. It is hard to not be able to do for yourself. When I am sick many times it can be embarrassing to ask for help, but if someone offers I am happy to accept it without any hesitation. During my time with my grandmother, I go get the mail every day. I prep her meals in the morning, lunch and dinner. I even bath her when she needs to. Doing those small things for your loved one might seem like it is not a big deal, but they are appreciative of the favors.
Bring a small gift.
The gift is not about money need to be spent- the gift can be something you made, like a get well card, a bracelet from mac & cheese, or even a picture frame of the whole family. Let’s be honest, we all like gifts, especially when we are sick. If you think about it, a way to help the love one feel connected to the world again is by bring them an up to date newspaper or magazine. Bring something that can distract the person. Such as crossword puzzles, a favorite book, or card game. Anything that they can do easily on their own.Their days are extra long. Being well and staying at home or even the hospital room day-and-night is hard. Anything that makes an excellent gift for your loved one is probably appreciated more than you expect. When i came home, I made my granny a picture frame with the whole family in it and with a shirt from University of Pittsburgh.
All the tips listed above is to help you and your loved one. Just to make it clear they are not “rules". Do what your heart tells you for your loved ones. It is never too late and no gesture is too small to make. Look at it this way, if it is from you then it is just right. Don’t let your busy schedule, anxiety or even fear get the best of you for not supporting your love one. Being there for them when they can really use it, will be greatly appreciated.
