I grew up in Orange County, California. For those of you who have seen TV shows like The OC or Laguna Beach, you probably have a pretty good idea of where I lived. I certainly was not driving a brand new Range Rover at 16 years old, but I never had to worry about money. More importantly, I was surrounded by rich, white kids with bad attitudes and limited perspectives. I am very grateful to my parents for providing me with everything they did, but I have never been happier since I decided to move to Portland and become a farmer. Did you just get whiplash? Sorry about that. I know it seems like an odd change to make, but it was exactly what I needed and I learned so many valuable lessons having experienced both sides of that particular cultural spectrum.

I was raised in what felt like a bubble of materialism and white privilege; the real American dream. Seeking happiness meant money, parties, and the perfect shade of fake tan. I put so much energy into feeding my insecurities and, in turn, struggled with severe depression and anxiety. It wasn’t until I moved away that I had the strength to heal and find my true happiness.

I think we all stray somewhat from what we were taught growing up, but it was something more than everyday rebellion. What I realized was that the entirety of my unhappiness was caused by a feeling of being disconnected. I felt disconnected from other people, from the Earth, and even from my own body. I was living in a society that bombarded me with the idea that I wasn’t good enough, but I could be if I consumed more. From that moment on, I tried to be aware of any moment, no matter how infinitesimal, where I felt a connection to something or someone and figure out how to feel that more. It turned out that, most often, those feelings came about when I was working hard or outside in nature. It has been a while now and I have a much clearer view of what causes those disconnected feelings that plagued me for most of my life. I can tell youtwo of the most soul-nourishing realizations I’ve made.

Image Credit: Erica Dockendorf

First and foremost, was my addiction to NOISE. Most of us live in an urban jungle that is full of stimulation. Billboards, cell phones, and traffic sounds all bombard our senses and make it practically impossible to focus or relax without some effort. The better I am at avoiding the noise, the more obvious it is to me how much valuable real estate it takes up in my noggin. Not to mention, I realized that 90% of my social interaction was happening through technology and I never felt that my relationships were building or getting any stronger over time. It wasn’t until I started making more of an effort to build relationships in real-life, noise-free environments that I began feeling satiated with intimacy, vulnerability, and some good old TLC.

The second, big change I made was becoming more educated about our planet and how the human race interacts with it. Don’t roll your eyes. You don’t have to rock tie-dye and get a Grateful Dead tattoo to go green. The hard truth is that our fancy-pants human consciousness comes with responsibility. Cats don’t have to worry about the environment because, honestly, what the fuck do cats know? Being human means using our gifts as effectively and efficiently as we can. I found that the only thing really getting in the way of that was not being knowledgeable and the second I did some research, changing my lifestyle became way easier. The more I learned, the more passionate I got about living in a more environmentally friendly way, which easily made me feel more connected and happy.

Those two things were hardly the only changes I made, but they were, I believe, the most influential. By the time I discovered farming, I already knew that I felt happier, healthier, and more grounded as a person when I could slow down and take a step or two away from mainstream society. My first season on the farm, I was so unprepared. I wore my Ugg boots to clean out the barn and they got covered in mud and poop and God knows what else. The loss was worth it. The more hours in a day I spend in the dirt, the more I feel a sense of belonging. I am far happier in my $20 plastic boots than I ever was in my $100 name-brand boots. I’ve built a relationship with the soil, the animals, my city, and my people.