As a kid, there were various movies I watched frequently, just like every other kid, I guess. But one of my favorites was "The Sound of Music," among others like "Mary Poppins" and "The Wizard of Oz." There was a small production company in my area called the Hoorah players, and believe it or not I was once into acting and singing, as weird as that sounds. After I had seen their production of the "Ugly Duckling," I was sold on their next one, "The Sound of Music."
I bought the soundtrack and began memorizing the songs, going to their camps and classes, and I practiced acting and singing frequently. I was a few days out from the audition, but I continued to change the song I wanted to try out with. It started with "Do-Re-Me" then a "Few of My Favorite Things" and lastly "Adelgiest" I believe. The day before try-outs I chickened out, I didn't think I was good enough at singing and I was scared of failure, or even worse making it and then having those responsibilities. I was scared of something that used to be one of my favorite things, and because of that I'll never know if that path would have taken me anywhere.
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What I find ironic, however, is the fact that the next time I felt that same fear it was for trying out for soccer. The night of my first practice, my parents took me and they both watched attentively as I took my shiny new ball over to all the other six year olds to start trying to make friends. That's all they had really hoped for; that I would make some friends, get in some exercise, and actually go to sleep early for once in my life.
What they didn't expect, however, was for me to come home crying after practice. I thought I was horrible, compared to the other kids, and I wanted to quit because I was so embarrassed, but this time it was different. I felt as though this time I saw potential and opportunity. I saw that I could work at this and become better and that talent, to some extent, didn't matter like it did with singing.
I reluctantly showed up to my first game, willing to try out my new attitude along with my new jersey. As soon as the whistle was blown, I was passed the ball and kicked it pretty hard and it rolled past all the kids into the back of the net. I laughed because I knew in that moment that I had found something I could do without talent. I found a sport that gave to me what I put into it. I found a love hate relationship that I would carry with me for the rest of my life, up to this point. I found more than a hobby or "a few of my favorite things" I found part of my identity that day.
I encourage everyone to not be afraid of failure, but be weary of what type of failures you're willing to overcome. It will tell you a lot about yourself. I wasn't willing to fail at that audition and try again, because I would be too embarrassed and in my mind the cons outweighed the benefits. On the other hand, for some unknown reason, I was willing to fail at soccer, but still work my butt off until I had made up for it.
Failure is not necessarily a bad thing, it actually guided me to where I couldn't accept failure and would keep fighting and where I had no desire to fight. Failure is a healthy reality of life, I challenge you to let it teach you.
