When I started dating, my mom would tell me a lot about her old relationships, so that I wouldn’t make the same mistakes. She told me once about an abusive relationship she was in, and advised me (if it ever would happen to me) to just walk away. I never thought that I would ever be saying this in a million years, but it’s only been a couple months since I got out of a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship. However, it has only been a month since I actually got the courage to walk away and block him from my life. Even though I am currently with someone new that makes me happy, I still live in fear every day of this person I was with.

When I was dating this person, I would never talk to another guy, even at school, and at my job I would try to avoid guys at all cost. I was terrified that he would somehow find out, which most of the time he somehow did. Every time I wasn’t with him I was “cheating,” or he would pick a fight with me so I would leave wherever I was. This resulted in me never hanging out with friends or family. I lost many friends and ended up being basically alone my senior year of high school. My life surrounded around him and him only. If I didn’t text him back in 10 minutes he would start a fight with me. This caused a lot of issues, because if we had a fight and he “broke up” with me I would feel like I was dying. My family would find me sobbing some nights and I would always have to lie so no one knew he was hurting me. One day, I found out he had people following me to make sure I would never do anything he didn’t like. Even after our break up I was always hesitant about doing anything or even talking to anyone, and the break up did not stop him from controlling me. He wouldn’t stop texting me even after we broke up to make me feel bad and control my emotions so I would never want to be with anyone else.

A year before I met him, I was diagnosed with depression and he would never accept it. He always told me that mental illness wasn’t real and that it was all in my head. When I cried he would always tell me that there was no reason to cry and he would tell me he’d give me a reason to cry if I wanted it. When I went to therapy, he told me I was “cheating,” and that my therapist didn’t care about what I had to say. However, my therapist was the one that advised me that my relationship with him showed signs of a potentially abusive relationship. He never supported anything that dealt with my mental illness, however he was the only one I wanted to be there for me. I was forced to suck up how I felt and put on a fake smile whenever I felt sad.

When I got together with my new boyfriend and my ex found out, he made me believe that my new boyfriend would use me and end up leaving me like everyone else did in my life. He was never happy unless he was tearing me down. Because of him I am afraid to be myself, to trust someone and to love them with my all. Knowing that he still has control over me is hard. It hurts me to see other people go through unhealthy relationships because I know how it felt and I would never want anyone to go through the same.

According to beautycares.org, you should “know the 8 before it’s too late,” which are 8 signs to know that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship:

1. Intensity.

Bombarding you with many texts in a short time period and behaving obsessively.

2. Jealously.

Acting unreasonably when you talk to other people, especially the opposite sex, and accusing you of cheating.

3. Control.

Going through all of your things and making you feel bad.

4. Isolation.

Making you only spend time with them. Preventing you from seeing your family, friends or even going to work.

5. Criticism.

Making you believe that they are the only ones that really love or care about you.

6. Sabotage.

Starting a fight with you so you won’t go out.

7. Blame.

Making you feel like it’s your fault for his or her problems.

8. Anger.

Making threats and picking fights with you.