Nobody wants to feel like their life is falling apart. If it was up to us, we'd want to live happily ever after from the moment we were conceived. The truth is, we live in a world of contrast, which causes us to have challenges and struggles, but nothing ever falls apart. Here's a story of when I thought my life was falling apart, and what was really happening instead.
I was lying on the floor in someone else's house, crying as though I was a child who had just discovered Santa wasn't real. Lost, lonely, relapsed, stranded, broken, broke, and confused, were just a few words to describe my state of being at that time. All I could wonder was why I chose to move to California because at that point it felt like the world was trying to tell me my time was up. "No!" I thought, "I was born to be great and live an amazing life. This is not how my story ends!"
At that time, I had just totaled my car, and my plan to travel up north and find a place to live in the Bay area abruptly came to a halt. My destructive thoughts were running rampant like someone trying to find their phone when they know their crush is waiting for a response. It was hard for me to do anything but pity myself and my circumstances, but I knew that I was the creator of my life, and had to be the change to see the change.
I began to take ownership of my life and experiences. I could choose to be the victim, or become aware that I am the designer of my life, and can choose to change my thoughts to please me more. Whenever I caught myself thinking about my car or any other problems that were going on at the time, as soon as I could, I would replace it with "Nothing is a mistake, there is a blessing in everything." "There is something in this for me."
The more aware I became of my thoughts, and the more conscious I was in choosing them, the more I began to enjoy my life. Before I knew it, I realized that the life I was wanting to have was exactly where I was the entire time and I just hadn't realized it until then. It was as though I had been trying to listen to music on the radio, frustrated that I couldn't hear anything, when the whole time it was playing but I had forgotten to turn the volume up.
The biggest blessing I could have asked for was to be stopped in the place of my dreams, which lead me to a job of my dreams, surrounded by the people of my dreams. I couldn't see the bigger picture and know that all of these wonderful people and circumstances had already been put in place for me in Santa Barbara. In my state of distress, I kept believing that what I wanted was somewhere else, so the universe had to find another way to tell me this is where I wanted to stay.
The whole time I felt as though my life was falling apart, it was really falling into place. Looking back at all of the struggles in my life, I realize that has always been the case. There has never been a challenging time in my life that I haven't grown from. When you feel like your life is falling apart, it's life reorganizing itself to accommodate all that you've asked for.
