"Expectation is the root of all heartaches." ~ Shakespeare
With the holidays rapidly approaching, expectations seem to be rapidly increasing. All of us tend to hope for a picture perfect holiday: with presents under a perfectly decorated tree, tasty casseroles, pumpkin pies of perfection, and nothing but beautiful smiles from November through January. The holidays are the one time during the year that the family is expected to come together, hold hands, sing Christmas carols, and pretend that life is absolutely perfect.
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Unfortunately, I had to learn at a very young age that because people are imperfect, so are holidays. Living with a mentally ill father taught me how expectations could be shattered in an instant, leaving a gaping hole of disappointment. Later, living with divorced parents taught me the struggle of half-celebrating twice with both halves of your broken family. More recently, I have learned what it is like to only celebrate with half of your family, because you have removed yourself to protect all the little ones with bright faces, excitedly waiting for dessert and presents. I have learned what it is like to blame yourself for ruining a holiday, when really, you were just a child, caught in the wave of destruction that life gave you. I have learned what it is like to be blamed, simply because I was the easiest to remove. I have also learned the pain of separation, of watching your family grow up in pictures on Facebook. I have learned what it is like to question a family's love for you, a father's love for you, and your love for yourself. Even though the holidays are supposed to represent love, joy, and togetherness, for me, they are simply reminders of the past pain that has shattered my expectations for the supposed beauty of family get-togethers.
Although i have endured a lot of hurt throughout my childhood, I have learned at least one extremely valuable lesson: as best stated in the brilliant words of Shakespeare, "Expectation is the root of all heartaches." When I took a step back and understood the fact that my family is not perfect, my situation is not perfect, and my life is not perfect, holidays began to shine a little brighter. When I understood what it meant to truly give thanks for what you have, Thanksgiving Day became a day to appreciate the imperfect love my family shows towards me. When I understood what it meant to truly give your love to someone else, Christmas became a day to celebrate because I have a chance to demonstrate love to my family, despite their imperfections.
Holidays are not about the food, or the presents, or the tree, or the idea of perfectionism. Holidays are about unconditionally loving those you were given, despite their faults.
