“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” –Ernest Hemingway

So I’m a listener. I’m really bad at striking up a conversation with random people and I never was the best at talking about myself and my feelings. (Ew. Gross. Feelings.) Yet, through years of forced communication with the species called “human,” and a touch of theatrical experience (acting skills do indeed come in handy quite a lot), I believe I can now successfully appear as an only mostly introverted listener in public. However, to myself and to all other listeners out there, I do think that this rare skill of being able to listen and truly hear others can either easily be taken for granted or simply be overlooked in the loudness of this world.

This world needs listeners desperately. I mean, who hasn’t had a day where they just need someone to shut up and listen to their bad day at work or their exciting plans for the weekend or their angsty love problems? When you are really listened to, don’t you just feel so valued and important and loved? That’s how everyone should feel for sure. So listen to people, guys. Don’t just zone out on another person’s monologue and merely nod assent when they’re done (yeah, we’re all guilty of this one, aren’t we?). Plus, when you actually listen, you get to hear stories and you truly get to know a person, the real person beneath all their false masks and whatnot. This is one of the most special and rare gifts I think a person can give: themselves, without all the makeup and playing pretend.

However, the entire world can’t all be listeners of course. It would be dead silent, then (but would that really be so bad?). Anyhow, my point is that we need to also value the listeners. Listeners need a chance to speak, too. Otherwise they can get walked all over and I know this from personal experience, sadly. The “Listener” has been my role all through most of my life, actually. One particularly defining moment for me was when I realized that I was letting myself be pushed around because I began to talk to a friend about some rather private stuff and I started really opening up when suddenly they stopped me, looked me in the eye, and said, “Emma, I don’t actually care.” I’m not trying to throw a pity party for myself here, it’s just that from that experience I learned that you should listen, up to a point. Don’t let your listening abilities become you and end up defining who you are because then you could wind up only listening and never speaking. As much as I hate to say it, using your own words to talk about yourself is a necessity. There needs to be a give and take in any relationship if it’s going to be a real and genuine one.

So, yes, listen, but also be willing to speak. However, when you do speak, choose your words with care. Also, as a final note, if you ever just need to talk to another person who is just going to shut up and listen, then absolutely come to me (there will be tea and cookies, I promise)!