It wasn’t until 10:47 a.m. on Sunday morning that I began to wake from my slumber after a night at the local bar. I woke up feeling nostalgic after running into so many old friends from high school, and I planned on spending the morning feeding that nostalgia by going through old pictures. I proceeded to go on with my usual half-asleep morning routine as I grab for my cell phone from the nearby night stand. First, I checked Twitter to update myself about the drunken festivities my fellow peers got into the night before.
Oddly enough, every tweet I scroll passed seems to be some sort of grave and solemn message or prayer regarding some devastating event that happened the prior night. Then I saw one that simply stated “Prayers for Orlando.”
My heart fell into my stomach and right then, I knew something horrible had happened — right in my back yard. I frantically grabbed for my TV remote and turned to the local news channel. I didn’t know then that what I was about to learn would change my life — and the lives of so many people, forever.
“50 Dead, 53 Wounded in Orlando Nightclub Shooting”
Panic fluttered throughout my entire body as my heart began to feel like it was going to explode out of my chest. My thoughts began to race, and I felt like I was going to pass out. Which nightclub? Where?! Are my friends OK?! Where’s my phone?!
I then learned that it was at the notorious Pulse Nightclub in Downtown Orlando, a known destination and sanctuary for the LGBT community. As I flipped through the news channels and learned more information, the tears began to flow. They said it was some sort of terrorist attack aimed at the LGBT community. How could this happen? More importantly, why did this happen?
I check Facebook between the frantic text messages I am sending trying to figure out if my friends are still alive and safe. Luckily, all of my friends I know that attend Pulse didn’t go that night and are safe. I didn’t know then that more heartbreak was to follow once they released the victim list almost two days later.
As the news began to grow and spread to the rest of the world, it all seemed to set in that this really happened. I spent a total of five hours laying on my couch, unable to move as I continued watching the news, hearing interviews and testimonials of witnesses and families unable to reach their loved ones. I can’t even fathom the amount of pain and worry these families were feeling as they waited to hear whether or not their loved ones were still alive.
All I could keep thinking about was the reasoning behind this horrendous attack. Noticing that I was severely distraught, my mother decided we should get out of the house for an hour or two. I felt like I had to keep watching, and that staying on that couch was the only thing keeping me together. After all, the attack happened only 15 minutes away from my house. However, eventually I agreed that I would go.
It wasn’t until I got into the car until I realized where in fact we were going. We were going to pick up my sister’s dress for her upcoming wedding — to another woman. We got to the bridal shop and when I saw the dress, tears began to fill my eyes again. How could people want to harm other people simply because of who they love? I don’t think I will ever understand. The love that my sister and future sister-in-law share is no different than the love shared between a man and woman. The fact that I have to worry for their safety every day is sickening and breaks my heart.
You could feel the sadness in the atmosphere as we walked and drove around Orlando. No one smiled, and I began to feel like a talking zombie. My face and eyes stung as tears continued to fall. Things had changed forever. As we returned home, I sat right back down on the couch and continued to watch the news, physically incapable of turning my attention towards anything else.
As night fell, I went back to social media to see how the rest of the world was dealing with something that I still couldn’t believe happened right down the road. The response I witnessed was heartwarming, and more tears began to fall. The world was in solidarity with my city and with the families and victims of this horrible incident. Buildings all over the world were ignited in colorful light, resembling the familiar rainbow that is a symbol of the LGBT community.
I woke up on Monday feeling OK until my brain started working, and I realized that it all wasn’t just a nightmare. My body felt heavy. I went into work at the mall only 10 minutes away from where the incident took place. I knew the victim list was being updated every minute and put my phone away to try to focus on work. After work, I sat on a bench in the mall and read the victim list. I checked Facebook again and saw that some of my friends’ family members and friends were among the deceased. I felt weak and pathetic for being so upset while these families are grieving over the people they have lost. As I left the mall, I passed downtown Orlando and said yet another prayer for everyone impacted.
It’s been almost four days since this massacre took place. The city of Orlando, the LGBT community and America as a whole are still grieving, and we will be for a long time. Although many people are using this tragedy as an opportunity for political argument, I think what we need to do right now is just respect the victims and their families.
I know some people will never agree, but at the end of the day love is love is love is love. No matter what gender. I pray that one day I can sleep soundly knowing that my sister and the LGBT community no longer have to worry about being targeted for this gross violence.
To the families and friends of the victims, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. The world is with you in solidarity, and you will get through this.
Orlando is strong. The LGBT community is strong. America is strong. We will stand united and persevere through these trying times. #OrlandoUnited
