When I Lost My Purpose | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Politics and Activism

When I Lost My Purpose

and what I learned along the way

23
When I Lost My Purpose

"Where there is no vision, the people perish..."

-Proverbs 29:18


Have you ever lost your sense of vision? Have you ever lost track of your purpose, the underlying reason to live? I have, and I can say from experience that it brings about a slow perishing, a monotony that ebbs away at the soul. I had a clear idea of what I was supposed to do. You could even say I knew my 'calling', to a significant extent. I'd started out on making this vision a reality multiple times, only to slowly move away from it over time. I started to doubt that I understood it correctly. I started to fear that I'd spend so much time chasing something that would never come to fruition. I even started to think I knew better. I became wise in my own eyes (Proverbs 26:12). Paradoxically, considering one's self-wise is foolishness, even worse than foolishness because it travels under the guise of wisdom, blinding us from areas of ignorance and causing us to ignore the warning signs before the wrong road. Again, this was always a gradual slide, a slow drift from that which I'd been called. Eventually, I told God:

"I know you want me to do this...

I just can't anymore...

I'll accept the consequences."

Those consequences were some time in coming, but come they did. I was doing fine for quite a while--doing what I thought was best, having some success...and ignoring nagging reminders that I was going it alone, away from God's plan. Like I said, things were generally going well. So why as time passed was I feeling more and more bleh? Almost empty, almost depressed. I had a very bad week when I slept every free minute of my days. I still went to classes for school, still made it to work, but whenever nothing was required of me, I was sleeping. I simply thought that my dreams were better than the reality I was facing. I didn't want to spend any more time awake than I had to. This terrible week started out with thoughts of what could have been. Everything suddenly came to mind and it crushed me:

What have I done?

What should I have done?

What should I be doing?

That week I went back and forth (when I was awake) wondering if such guilt could come from God, or if it was from somewhere else. If I should change something, or just keep pushing forward. "I can't go back now, I've come too far." I sunk lower. And lower. I hit my rock bottom and bounced. Only then did I begin to pray:

"I'm sorry...

I know I screwed up...

I'm ready now to give you all of me."

There was an instant change. Suddenly I saw it--I couldn't act any longer like I was making my own purpose. It didn't work and wouldn't work. I got back on the right track, and it's made all the difference since. However, I'm still dealing with consequences. It's hard to come to grips with the time I spent in freefall, the time I have to make up for now. It won't be as easy now, but this is the only way to go. I know that now.The day after I came to this realization, at church the pastor said something that really struck me: "After you're a believer, it feels so bad to go against God's will. It's like you're going against yourself, against your very being."


Or, your purpose. That fountain of motivation which makes life joyful, work a joyful task, relationships joyful endeavors...and it's not too late to get that back.


Source: Chris Sorensen at the Mission Chattanooga

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

5 Things To Do That Are Better Than Writing A Paper

Don't waste your time trying to write that paper when there are so many more interesting things you could be doing.

3862
computer keyboard
Unsplash

Writing a paper is never fun and is rarely rewarding. The writer's block, the page requirement, be specific, but don’t summarize, make sure you fixed any grammatical errors, did you even use spellcheck? and analyze, analyze, analyze.

Papers can be a major pain. They take up so much time and effort that by the end of the process you hate yourself and you hate the professor for making life so difficult. Questions of your existence start roaming in your mind. Am I even cut out for college if I can’t write a single paper? Am I even capable of taking care of myself if I lack the energy to open my laptop and start typing?

Keep Reading...Show less
Relationships

10 Reasons Why Sisters Are The Best

Who could be a better friend than your own sister?

2390
sisters
Taylor Hooper

I can barely remember back when I was the only child. Most would say it’s because it is extremely difficult to remember things as a toddler but I would say it's because I was bored until my sister came along. My mother always says how important the "sister bond" is and with every year that passes I realize how right she is. Instead of writing a novel about all of the wonderful things there are about having a sister I decided to list a few of them instead.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

How To Adult

You're gonna make it after all.

3685
how to adult
Twitter

It is the time of our lives that we are beginning to enter the adult world and most of us, if not all of us, have no idea what we are doing. It's like starting a video game, but skipping the tutorial. We're all just running around aimlessly hoping we accidentally do something right that moves us along the right path. Now that graduation has just happened, or is right around the corner for some of us, it's time to start thinking about how we are going to take care of ourselves once we are on our own.

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

7 Signs You're A Starbucks Addict

I'll be the first one to admit I'm addicted to Starbucks.

2037
drinking coffee
Tumblr

If you’re anything like me, you love a good cup of coffee. My coffee always comes from Starbucks; I refuse to drink it from anywhere else. Over the years, it’s become one of my biggest addictions. So, if you are aware that you’re a Starbucks addict as well, or maybe you need to check to see if you’re an addict, here are seven ways to tell.

Keep Reading...Show less
people  in library
Photo by redcharlie on Unsplash

College involves a whirlwind of emotions, whether it’s from the stress of an assignment (or twenty), or from fighting with your roommate. It can be overwhelming at times and it’s important to take a step a back and calmly think things over. Maybe gain some perspective. The following aren’t foolproof tips and may not apply to you, but I was able to find success with them (hope you do too!)

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments