As a college student back in my college town after a summer away, I have gotten the question, “What did you do this summer?” easily over 50 times. I respond, telling about my incredible summer living back and forth in Nashville. I talk about my amazing vacation to Destin, Florida with my best friend and her family. I talk about the unexpected amount of time I was able to spend with my boyfriend, his family, and his friends. What I, so conveniently, forget to mention is the amount of time I spent this summer changing swim suit to swim suit, figuring out which one best covered my body. I forget to talk about how many times I asked my best friend if the random girl walking by, was smaller than me. I forget to emphasize how deeply overcome I was by my insecurities every second I spent on the beach. I forget to tell about the scale, the tanning, the tears, the weight loss pills, the comparison; why would I tell anyone about that?
I soon learned how insecurities manifest. They start outwardly and work inward. After wearing myself down with negativity of my appearance, I began to give attention to everything I said or did. I started to realize I didn’t really like who I was. I beat myself down with words, and I never felt good enough. The more aware I became of who I was, my senses heightened in who everyone else was, too. Typically, I’ve been the last person to place judgement on others, but when I let judgement of my own self become a pattern and routine in my life, I made myself vulnerable to hurting others in that way as well. Insecurities manifest.
By the grace of God, I was reminded of a life-altering, joy-giving, chain-releasing rescue mission this past month, as He has been growing me in wisdom: the Gospel. Being reminded that the Maker of everything in all creation loves me enough to die for me on a cross, untangled me from all the lies I had been living under. If the Most Perfect and Most High loves me, then I can love me too. The more I learn about who Jesus is and what He did on the cross for me, the louder His words echo off my soul. Jesus knows every intricate detail about us. He knows our evil nature, He knows are brokenness, and He knows how deeply we desire the things He hates. Even so, He died so we could live with Him for eternity. That’s love, and the more I lean into God and love Him, the more I love the person He saved: me.
So, as the devil tempts you to second guess who you are inside and out, I encourage you to, instead, keep your eyes on the cross and the One who made you in His image.
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” - Song of Songs 4:7
