Letting go of something or someone dear to us is never easy, but sometimes it is in our best interest to release the burdens and people that bring negativity into our lives. I struggle with letting go because I always try to see the best in every person and in every situation. I used to feel like if I worked really hard, I could change the outcome of a situation, and although that might work in some cases, it's not a healthy outlook on life.
This semester, I've been struggling with letting go of someone that I once really cared about. It has been a difficult process, but I wanted to use my experience to help others who are struggling with a similar situation. Letting go is like going through different seasons in your life. It may feel like you'll never see sunlight again, but just remember that after the cold, gloomy winter is over, spring will arrive and bring new colorful possibilities.
Fall: When things start to fall apart
In the past, every time something went wrong with a friendship or significant other, I would blame myself. I would think of what I could have done differently or even ask myself degrading questions regarding the situation:What if I was more social? What if I looked like her? What if I was skinny? What if I wasn't me?
I realize now how sickening those negative thoughts actually are. I know that it was unhealthy to have felt that way, but at the time, I just couldn't understand why things I wanted didn't work out. I didn't know who else to blame but to blame myself.
We all go through different situations, but no matter what happens, you need to make sure that you do not put all the blame on yourself. You need to understand that everyone makes mistakes. Try to learn from yours, but don't dwell on them. Dwelling on things you did wrong will never be beneficial to you. You have to learn to forgive yourself as well others before you can move on with your life.
If you ever find yourself feeling like you're the only one fighting to keep a friendship or relationship going, you need to realize that this is not okay. There are no such things as one-sided friendships or relationships. Even by their definitions, they require two people. If the other person has completely let go, there is only so much time that can go by before it's time for you to let go too. Holding on, when it's past time to let go, is one of the worst things we can do. Just know that “Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
Winter: Accepting that things are really over
I feel like this is probably the most painful step. It was extremely difficult for me to accept that things ended. I just wanted to forget that person and click a delete button in my memory, but we can't just automatically forget someone just because we want to. I don't think I actually wanted to forget; I just wanted to stop feeling heartache.
Accepting that things are over is a process, and we must take each step of the process slowly. Jumping in full force by throwing away all the pictures and gifts, deleting every old message, and pretending that person doesn't exist probably isn't going to work out in anyone's best interest. The steps you take really depend on how the relationship or friendship ended. You have to decide what to do, and the decision is most likely not going to be easy.
The acceptance step takes time. Don't get discouraged if it takes longer than you expected. This is a time to reflect on the situation. "You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended." I don't think you ever will forget someone who used to mean something to you, but that person was put into your life for a reason, even if you can't understand what that reason was.
Spring: Time to celebrate the stronger you
You might not realize this, but making peace with the person or situation that was hindering you, makes you a stronger person. Once you finally conquer the acceptance step, you begin the moving-on step. This step doesn't necessarily mean that you are ready to start up a new relationship or make any big changes, but think of it as a chance to start moving on with life. This is the time to focus on you. Try a new hobby, do something you haven't done in a while, or do something completely random. No matter what you might choose to do, just make sure it's for you.
A big step in my moving-on process is when I made the choice to start living a healthier lifestyle. In the past, I feel like I tried changing for the approval of others, but now that I am finally doing it for me, I have a brighter outlook on life. Letting go of all my emotional baggage has made a big difference in my life. It's been a long, difficult process, but I can honestly say that I am now a stronger person. There were many times that I thought about giving up. I didn't think that I was every going to be happy, but I am, and this is probably the happiest I've been in years. If you're struggling, don't give up. "Believe you can and you're halfway there."
