Relationships of any kind can be subject to a degree of fluctuation- after all, everybody has their good days and bad days, both individually and with another person. However, sometimes there's a little too much going on, and it becomes hard to tell whether or not this is all worth the effort you're putting in. It can be really hard to accept, but it's important for you and your wellbeing to take a step back and think about the reality of the situation, and see if this is a good relationship with a rough patch or a bad relationship that you should probably be easing out of. Here are five telltale signs to look for if you're unsure if the person you're investing so much time and energy in is bad for you or not:
1. You feel like you're putting in more effort.
As much as we'd like to think that relationships are always 50-50, they usually aren't. And that's not to say that things are inherently bad if one person puts in a little bit more- usually, there's a bit of fluctuation when one person does a little bit more some days, and the other reciprocates or puts in some more effort on other days. Especially if your partner is going through a particularly rough time in their lives, it may be necessary to care for them a little more to help them through heavier times! However, be cautious of how much of yourself you're pouring into someone else, especially if you're finding it a rarity that you get anything back, let alone reciprocation. Mutuality is key to any balanced relationship!
2. You argue. A lot.
Arguments are not all bad- sometimes it's necessary to sift through a few kinks in the fabric. But, it's important to watch the way you and your partner argue, and why these arguments tend to come up. If you find yourself fighting over the same things, to no avail, it's probably time to re-evaluate the way you and your partner discuss particular matters. It might be that you aren't communicating effectively, but it could also be a sign of early disrespect. If your partner seems to be blatantly disregarding the things you say are bothering you, it's time to have a conversation as to why your feelings are being sidelined.
3. You prefer the days when you don't talk to your partner as often.
Distance isn't always a bad thing- sometimes you just need a little bit of space. Taking time for yourself, for whatever reason that might be, is not an issue but rather highly encouraged! It's good to spend a little bit of time alone. If you find yourself wanting to spend less time particularly with your partner, then it might be time to examine why. Do you feel uncomfortable when your partner is around? Is it draining to spend time with them? Or do you feel like they don't really care about you? It's one thing to want to spend time alone or with others, but it's another thing to prefer to be apart or to actively avoid someone. It's better to let go than to keep someone at arm's length all of the time.
4. You don't feel like yourself around them.
This is a major red flag! While being influenced by the people closest to you will happen intrinsically, you shouldn't ever feel like you have to sacrifice a part of yourself or as though you're losing yourself to conform to what your partner might like. Does it feel like your interests are ignored while your partner's interests are prioritized? Do you feel spoken over, like you're never truly heard or paid proper attention to? If so, that's something to consider when weighing if your partner truly cares about you as a person or the potential you might have to become a particular person for them. There is inherent disrespect in asking someone to physically stay, but casting who they are as a person away. You are you, and you are valuable because you're yourself.
5. You're thinking about leaving.
The most obvious sign of all- if you're thinking about leaving, you should probably think about why. It's clear that some incidents have been rattling around in your head for a little while now, and it's high time to consider why that's the case and what you plan to do about it. Take all the time you need to come to whatever decision you may choose- just know that the signs exist for a reason and your feelings are always valid.
Walking away from a person is always a complicated decision to make, one that can take a lot out of you at times. Just know that, at the end of the day, you have to put yourself first and do what's best for you, regardless of how hard it is in the beginning.
