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When Home Doesn't Feel Like Home Anymore

I felt like a guest in my own home.

Olivia Jacques

Dec 05, 2018

Tuscaloosa, AL The University of Alabama

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When Home Doesn't Feel Like Home Anymore

Olivia Jacques

Going home when you're in college is always great. You get to see your family, old friends and your pets. You pack your stuff from college and you definitely overpack because you forget that you already have clothes at home. Obviously, you must take your favorite t-shirts back, but you can leave a lot of stuff because you'll be back at college in a few weeks.

It wasn't until I was packing to go home for Thanksgiving this year did I realize something. I always keep my main toothbrush at home and then I have a different one I travel with. I took my traveling toothbrush for this trip. I was only staying for a few days, but I would always leave my main toothbrush at home. When I got home, everything was reversed. I didn't unpack my suitcase, I had my travel toothbrush and I took toiletries from college back with me because I knew they wouldn't be at my house anymore because I hadn't lived there in months.

I felt like a guest in my own home.

It was a very bizarre feeling. I once said that I was excited to go back home when I was referring to college. I had to ask my sister where stuff in the house was. Everything was different.

I have called that place home for many many years and for the first time ever, I didn't feel at home. It turns out I wasn't the only one either. My best friends told me they felt like guests in their own home too. We all just felt out of place. Many things were the same and many were different. I drove down roads that I used to drive down every day for years. I hadn't driven down these roads in months and I felt like I had been gone for years. Home just didn't feel like home anymore.

When I am at college, I don't always feel like I am home either. Home is supposed to be where your family is. Parts of me felt homeless. Then I realized that home wasn't a house. It's not the town you grew up in or the high school you went to. Home is within people. Family and friends are home. They are little pieces of home. My family could move across the country but wherever they are is home. Family is home, not an empty house that just holds memories.

You meet people in college who change your life. Friends who will be lifelong. So they are like home too. For me, I have a home in many places and in many people. I think people can be home too.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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When Home Doesn't Feel Like Home Anymore

I felt like a guest in my own home.

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The struggles of having an RBF are all too real

1. People asking if you're mad at them.

2. Those people who hand out flyers don't always try to stop you.

3. Creepy guys telling you to smile.

4. "I thought you were a bitch when I first met you."

5. People telling you you'd be "so much prettier if you smiled."

6. Doing your makeup and looking great, which somehow intensifies the bitch face.

7. Regularly explaining "it's just my face."

We all go through certain stages when we have a crush, Tina just explains it better.

That moment that someone you never looked twice at suddenly makes you do a double take out of no where.

But you can't have a crush, that's outrageous. It's all in your head.

Because you don't have a crush, there's no reason to tell anyone about anything. Right?

But then they do something irresistible and you start to lose it.

Now accepting the fact you have a crush, you have to keep it under control.

Then there's the part where you tell your friends who will claim they called it.

They'll be excited and cheer you on. That's until they realize that your crush is all you'll be talking about.

Your obsession has become so bad, that your Facebook stalking is getting out of control.

But your friends will try and help move things along any way they can. That doesn't mean it will be any helpful though.

As time goes on, you start having fantasies about the two of you and it's starting to scare you a little.

You can't focus on anything because all your attention is on them and everything they do.

Anybody who comes near your crush is now an enemy, and you are willing to fight for your crush.

When you see them, you act like an idiot. Trying to hide your feelings may not be as discrete as you think.

Keeping your feelings inside will start to be harder and harder until you can't keep it inside anymore.

Who knows, maybe it will work out? Take a chance.

Everybody hurts sometimes.

May the odds be ever in your favor.

What about those of us who don't do it all in four years?

1. You feel like an elder.

2. You may feel lonely.

3. Senioritis is more real than ever.

4. You may feel a little down sometimes.

5. Fear of missing out won't be as real.

6. You are a college pro.

7. You'll have more free time.

8. You're happy you're still in school.

9. You feel like a guru.

10. You continue to grow.

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