"Make not your thoughts your prisons." ~ Shakespeare
Well, I've made it more than halfway through high school. I've kept my GPA up, I have plenty of extracurriculars and I've taken several AP courses. I'm less than a year away from being an adult. Right now, most students my age are focused on applying and getting into college. There's the stress of taking the ACT, preparing my college applications, applying for scholarships, deciding what I might possibly major in and basically deciding what the rest of my life will look like. I'm the type of person that has to have a plan, and I have to be in absolute control of that plan, or else I get S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D.
This next year and a half present many questions that are terrifying for me to think about:
Where are you applying for college?
What do you want to major in?
Are your grades good enough for that school?
Should you aim for a more challenging school?
Should you just stay home and attend community college?
What careers even require that major?
What if you don't succeed in the workforce?
What if you have to move back home with your parents?
What if you don't get enough scholarship money?
Are you okay with selling cake for the rest of your life?
What if you aren't prepared enough to live on your own?
What if you have a smelly roommate?
What if you get to college and start failing all of your classes?
What if you get to college and hate it?
What if you don't graduate?
What if you get pregnant? And die?
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that wrestles with these questions on a daily basis. Everyone else seems to have it all figured out. Everyone else seems really excited about moving out and starting a new chapter of their life. Everyone else has a plan with no "what-ifs". The one question that I might not ever find an answer for is What if I'm not ready?
I feel completely and hopelessly unprepared to become an adult that makes her own food, washes her own clothes, buys her own groceries and handles her own finances. It might make me sound like a brat, but my mind tends to travel to questions even as ridiculous as these:
What if I can't figure out how to work the washing machine?
Is there a washing machine?
What if I get lost trying to find the washing machine?
What if someone steals my clothes while they are in the washing machine?
What if I get lost in the grocery store?
What if I accidentally spend $20 on celery?
Is $20 too much for celery?
What if it's organic?
Is eating organic worth it?
What if I don't like celery?
What if I order pizza too much and get fat?
Do I need a workout routine?
Will I have time to work out?
What if I can't find a job?
What if I run out of money?
What if I lose my wallet?
What if. What IF. WHAT IF.
The list goes on.
Most of the time, these questions cause me so much stress and anxiety that I end up blocking them out, along with my internal reminders to study for my test next week or finish (start) my midterm project. This leads to procrastination. Which leads to late grades. Which lead to missing assignments. Which lead to failing grades. Which lead to zero motivation or willpower to raise my grade to passing, let alone protect my 3.8 GPA. Which leads to a depressed state of mind. Which leads to falling into a hole that is very difficult to get out of.
Maybe I'm alone in all my worry, and maybe I'm not. I have a hard time telling myself what I need to hear, so now I'm going to talk as if I was speaking to my best friend. I would tell my best friend this:
Take a deep breath. Take it one day at a time. All you can do is your best, and your best is good enough. It's okay to fail as long as you get back up. College is about learning what you want to do with your life, and you don't need to know right this second. Working hard always pays off. Lastly, don't psych yourself out. You got this! You are smart, talented and supported, and you've got your whole life in front of you.
