This time last year, I hit rock bottom. I had been going to a specialist because my liver enzymes were out of range, and they were concerned. After going through test after test, they found what was wrong. It was treatable, and I was fine three months later. However, during one of those millions of tests, they found something that was not expected. I am a carrier of a gene that could cause my child, whenever I have one, to have liver cancer. I wasn’t familiar with the term “Alpha 1 Antitrypsin Deficiency” until last year. Basically, what it is, is it could cause my children to have an excess of protein in their liver or lungs. Thus, causing liver and lung cancer. Last year, I was told by the doctor that I should never have kids.

I was heartbroken. I went through times of mourning, like I had already lost a child. It felt odd, but natural, to mourn the children I was told I could not have…even at the age of 20. It took me a good six months to come to terms, and to realize that I could always adopt. However, today, I found out some amazing news. News that changes someone’s life. Last month I sought out another specialist. The doctor agreed that I do carry the gene. He said that IF my child got the gene, they would most likely need a liver or lung transplant. I thought he was going to say the same thing the other doctor had said: no children. He did not.

He said in order for my child to have Alpha 1 Antitrypsin Deficiency my future husband would have to also carry the gene. He also went on to explain that even if he did have the gene, there is only a ten percent chance that my child will ever develop symptoms of Alpha 1 Antitrypsin.

A weight was lifted off my shoulders. I started to cry, I balled my eyes out. I’m sure the doctor thought I was insane, but I explained. I went a year thinking that I would never be able to have the blessing of having my own child. I wouldn’t get to know that bond between mother and child, I wouldn’t be able to feel it kick, or know what it’s like to create something so beautiful as a humane life. I thanked the doctor, then I left. I got in my car and started to worship God.

You see the thing is, God does things in our life for reasons. I grew so much in my faith because of thinking I could not have children. I prayed every day, and just asked for Him to bless me. It took Him a year…but whenever I do have children, it will be a much sweeter, more meaningful, and blessed time in my life. But, that’s not for another five to ten years.