When I was in 7th grade, I had to write a 1-2 page autobiography of a monumental event in my life. It will come to no surprise to anyone who has ever met me that I chose to write about my first Taylor Swift concert - the Speak Now World Tour. I had so much fun writing this essay that it ended up being 5 pages long. My teacher loved it and said my writing was so impressive that she took my rough draft as my final copy. It was this moment when I realized that I adore creative writing - tying it into fiction and nonfiction alike.
Flash forward to junior year in high school. I was in AP and honors courses, so my schedule was understandably difficult. I had one teacher for an AP class that absolutely despised me. I have always been an excellent student - I've never been written up, gotten a detention, been kicked out of a class, or even gotten yelled at by a teacher to be quiet (as I can remember) - so I have no clue what she had out for me, but it was abundantly clear by my grades. Every time I turned in an essay, quiz, or test I always received a poor grade. At the beginning of second semester, she had us all set a goal to achieve by the end of the year. I wrote down my goal and turned it into her. I wanted to get an A. I ended up with a C+. It seemed that no matter what I wrote, how long I put into my essays, or how I expressed myself, my grade was slipping through my fingers like grains of sand and I couldn’t hold on. In hindsight I realize that it wasn’t my fault, but that class was permanently damaging to me.
Loss of Confidence
By the end of the school year, I had no inspiration to even try anymore. I remember on my final exam (which was an incredibly difficult, old AP test) we had to write a few different types of essays. I recall sitting back, dropping my pencil on my desk, popping into my mouth a mint life saver, and taking a few minutes just to think about all the different things I could have written. All of these would have gotten the same grade as she would have given me for an essay that I actually tried to write: lyrics to a song, a scene word-for-word from Titanic, instructions on how to assemble a popcorn machine, or my family’s top secret pierogi recipe. I truly believed that I was a terrible writer; I couldn’t understand how I went from getting one of the top grades in my class on my East of Eden research paper when I was a sophomore to writing horrible essays as a junior.
Hatred of the Subject
When the year was over, I went to my guidance counselor and dropped honors English from my schedule for senior year and instead added the “normal people class” as I had always called it. This class was only one semester rather than two, I wouldn’t have to write as many essays, and my essays would be graded a lot more leniently. Even when I got to college, I didn’t sign up for an English course which most ladies get out of their way their freshman year. Yes, I allowed this one teacher’s actions to follow me all the way to college.
Fear to Continue
I swore that my writing was horrendous and that I would never write again. Every poem I used to write for only my eyes to read? Gone. All the plots I had in my head for future top-selling novels? Gone. My hope to be the next Emily Dickinson or Edgar Allan Poe? Gone. I never wanted to write again. Like, ever.
Begin Again
But after those few years of stubborn self doubt, life gave this girl a great teacher. In college, I took a class my first semester that gave me a complete one-eighty turn to my outlook. I wrote essays that received great grades. My professor complimented my work. He pointed out style choices that he liked. I repeat, he liked my style. I didn’t even know that I had a writing style! I took another one of his classes second semester, but this time I had one-on-one meetings to go over my essays. After my first meeting, he told me, “I have no worries about you passing your W" (writing proficiency course that every has to pass). That was the biggest weight off of my shoulders. My professor wasn’t worried about me passing a writing requirement!!A few short years before, I was struggling to pass a high school course. Now in college my writing was being complimented.
So, I decided to make a bold move. I decided to join Odyssey. I have never shared my writing, I have never even shared this fear I’ve had since my junior year of high school. I think that writing from the heart and being honest about how you feel is so challenging these days with the fear of being judged. But I’ve learned this year that the only words you’ll regret more than the ones you used to hurt someone, are the words that you never said. I absolutely adore writing (just as I always had) and I’m so glad that my previous teacher’s negative opinions no longer have a hold of me. I can’t wait to write more about what I’m thinking of, and I really hope this reaches out and makes others realize how silly it is to let someone else control parts of your life. To close with some words of wisdom from my girl T. Swift, “you are not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you or care about you."
