Nowadays divorces are more frequent than ever. People get married, have problems, separate, and finally divorce. This almost sounds like an automative procedure, and it's sad but somehow true. It is the exact same procedure that the marriage of my parents went through. And 15 years later, I am still somehow affected by this phenomena.
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It is not a discussion based on who is responsible for this to happen because honestly, I finally came to accept and understand that it is nobody's. It it how life works. People sometimes cannot come to an agreement, or understand each other; or even respect the differences each person has. Quite frankly, in most of the cases is a matter of matureness. But not 100% of the time. Sometimes it is because two people can not live together. Their interpersonal problems can cause danger to those around and period. It does not work.
I came to understand what was happening between my parents when I graduated from elementary school. I didn't know why my father was not living at home, why I could only see him a few days a month, and why he stopped having an active parent type of role in my life. I would only see him during the weekends (some), and from time to time (extremely rare) after practice on week days. It was something weird, I couldn't go home to find dad, it was only mom. Although mom have done a great job taking care of me and my brother, still I have a mom and a dad, and if either is missing, for those who have been in this situation, it is not even close to the same feeling (which actually, I don't remember) of having both parents at home. Probably life is somewhere close to perfect when mom and dad are at home. When you don’t have permission from one or the other, you go to the other one and try to negotiate. This way you can somehow get away with a “No!” for a party on friday night. But in my case, I was stuck with my mom’s decision. It was final and definite, couldn’t be changed.
P.S. - I hated that.
At first, when I was younger and naive, I didn’t understand all this. Why it was happening, and most important what was happening. It wasn't until one good day, tired of all the drama between my parents, I sat them together in one table and I asked “What is wrong with you guys, why don’t you live at home anymore dad, and why are you always fighting?”. They got shocked, it was the first time in many years that I finally confronted my parents. They didn’t know what to answer. Until my father, after looking at my mom, says “My mother and I got divorced several years ago”. I was drowned in an emotion of mixed feelings. Anger on one side, because all they did was fight, and sadness because my life was never going to be the same.
It took me years to understand, accept, and continue my life with my parents living indifferent places. At first I didn’t want to accept it, but I embraced it. It is the best thing anybody can do to be able to live happy and comfortable seeing your mom or dad dating a person that does not relate to you in any way. Having two different homes to go, with different rules, ideologies, perception of things, and ways of raising children, ultimately having two completely different roles and perception of what mom and dad is. Because one thing I still don’t remember, is being at home with my mother and my dad. And that will bother me for the rest of my life.
