Uncertainty is almost always spoken about with a negative connotation. During challenging seasons of life, one can either be programmed to carry stress around like a badge of honor or maintain disingenuous security. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of losing my voice to fear and, on top of that, having to hide it
In response to my tired state of mind, my counselor challenged me to stop processing and analyzing this week. Processing and analyzing do lead to valuable insight, but there comes a time when it starts to trap you in your own head. Most often, when I get lost trying to figure everything out, I end up finding myself in a fantasy used to escape or drowning in doubts. These have become my differing responses to fear and uncertainty. Whether I am fantasizing or drowning, I am left with an inability to enter reality, which is somewhere in the middle and is exactly where life happens.
Confronting the present uncertainties of life has, surprisingly, been empowering -- but truly hard. I am attempting to embrace my struggles with uncertainty as golden opportunities to stay rooted. I am coming to see what exactly it is that’s making reality so hard to face. I’m realizing I have these negative thoughts that all circulate differing themes. These themes are ultimately false beliefs that plague my life day in and day out.
One of the worst beliefs I have about myself is that I am a failure. When I felt how truly I believed this about myself, I had to begin retraining my mind to think otherwise. I have to tell myself, when the fears creep up and the fantasies seep in, that I am more than a conquer. I allowed that line to sink in this week, I am more than a conquer. That means I am even more than my trials. I have the ability to overcome the present and keep moving into the future. There is more to me than my slip ups and shortcomings and even my victories over them.
I don't need to escape to fantasies where I am a different person living a different life or imagine perfect sceneries where I don't fail, nor do I need to believe I'll always fail. That simply is not true, even of my past. I can live my life as it is. I even pushed myself to make a list of what I am proud of accomplishing. I don’t do that enough—we don’t do that enough, encourage ourselves. We have an unending To-Do List but no This-is-What-I-Love-About-Me List. I challenge you to make one and keep adding to it.
Giving my fears a reality check has been enlightening, yet still truly difficult. For some odd reason, when it comes to choosing positivity, it’s easier for me to go down the rabbit hole of negativity. Identifying when I need to stop my mind in its tracks and speak truth to myself has been a challenge. Fear has stolen my voice away from me for some time now, and the discipline it takes gaining it back is equally as hard as it is freeing.
Fortunately, I have come to understand that even when things are hard, they are not without goodness. This time in my life is fairly uncertain; I am well aware of this fact. I don’t know where I am going to live in a year or if I’ll have a job opportunity in my field of study. Heck! I’m not even sure if I’ll be able to graduate as planned in a year.
These are all realities, but the fact that there is a plan for me is equally as true and equally as relevant. The best part of all of this has to be noticing my mental capacity to accomplish everything I need to and accomplish it well. When I don’t waste my time over-analyzing the negative but instead use my voice to speak the positive truths of my reality, it leads to a free mind.
I encourage you to give your fears a reality check and question whether what you're believing in yourself is actually the truth.
