May is an exciting month for college students. Finals are wrapping up, the school year is coming to an end, and lucky seniors are graduating. People are moving out of cramped dorm rooms and saying goodbye to new life-long friends for the summer.
As I sit at my desk, I scroll through my Instagram feed that is filled with nostalgic posts reminiscing on crazy, challenging and fun freshman years of college as my high school friends depart to head back home. I set my phone down and turn back to the mountain of notecards in front of me, studying for the physics midterm I have on Monday.
Attending the University of California at Los Angeles has been my dream since my sophomore year of high school. The day I was accepted, on March 20, 2015, was one of the greatest moments I will experience in my entire life. I have enjoyed every moment of it, even if there are times when the complaints seem endless. But as I look at these sentimental photos and messages covering my phone screen, I can’t help but feel angry. Angry at the fact that I still have a month of school ahead of me as everyone else I know is enjoying the freedom of summer. Jealous that the people I knew in high school will be going home to places and people that I love and miss while I am still in Los Angeles struggling to learn physics. I feel left behind, like I am missing out on something that everyone else is experiencing. It feels like I am stuck where I am, at my desk studying for the midterms and finals I still face, while everyone moves on with their lives.
As I feel angry, jealous and sad watching everyone leave their freshman years of college with bittersweet goodbyes, I stop to think. I remind myself that I am where I am supposed to be – my dream school in one of the most exciting cities in the world. I look at the beautiful, red brick buildings that I walk by on a daily basis and have stood for almost 100 years and marvel at their presence. I remind myself that I am part of one of the top universities in the world, a place where many would willingly take my place without any jealousy of those at other schools. I look at the friends I have made throughout the year and remind myself that I am surrounded by amazing, funny, and caring people that this school has brought to me. I take a moment and think about how amazing my first year of college has been with new friends, old friends and family support, and I remind myself that I am extremely lucky. UCLA is my newfound home and in that moment, the anger towards and jealousy of those going home for summer break fades away. I am where I supposed to be, where I want to be, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
