Ah, Summer; the three to four month-long break that parents and students welcome, yet simultaneously dread. Parents are anxious to have their baby home for an extended stay, but may be miffed that they have yet another mouth to feed. Kids, while excited to see their family members, are probably worried that their parents won't understand that they've matured while away and will subsequently treat them like the child they no longer are. Here are some tips to making the transition back to having your child live with you, and having parents for roommates a little bit easier.
For Students:
1. If you want to be treated as an adult, act like one. I know, you've gone from free reign over your own life to a house filled with rules set for a high schooler. Instead of getting frustrated with your parents and their regulations, show them through action that you deserve a more lenient set of order. Parents are used to obedience, and while they may have your best interest in mind, you've reached a stage of your life where your decisions are entirely your own. Respect their rules, but also allow them to see why your decisions can and should be trusted.
2. Assume responsibility. You said it, not me....you're an adult now. Well, adults assume responsibility, whether that means fixing dinner, doing household chores, or running errands. For the entirety of your life, your parents have done these things for you and it's important to be able to pay them back. You're home for months at a time, you're not a guest like you were over Thanksgiving break, so pick up the slack and things are sure to run smoothly.
3. Spend time with your parents and siblings. I understand that you haven't seen your friends from high school in months and there are things that you want to catch up on, but don't forget to make time for your loved ones. For eight months, you've been a missing piece in their puzzle and having you back provides them with a sense of wholeness. After all, you've changed while you were at school and in your absence, so have they; it's important to get to know each other all over again. Prioritize and make sure your family is and always will be at the top of your list.
4. Understand that your relationship with your parents is now based on mutual respect. For years, they were your disciplinarian; there to prepare you for adulthood and raise you in a manner that you will then become a productive member of society. Well, they've done their job and you're now an adult. Ultimately, you make your own decisions, but your parents will still be worried that they've done their job well, so through your actions, prove to them that you turned out a-okay.
For Parents:
1. You're their parent, not a drill sergeant. I promise you, if you greet your child at the door with criticisms, rules, and regulations, your Summer will be miserable and you'll be wasting the time that you have with your student. Understand that they've reached adulthood and matured while away, treat them like an adult until they give you reason to do otherwise.
2. Out with the old, in with the new. That 10 o'clock curfew they had during senior year? Yeah, that's got to go. Having rules is okay, but make sure they're age appropriate and reasonable. It's your house so what you say goes, but having strict regulations in place will lead your child to resent you. Although I'm sure it kills you to admit it, your baby is no longer a baby anymore. He or she has been virtually on their own for months, so going from making every decision on their own to having your input again will be an adjustment period. Don't be too harsh.
3. They love you, but that doesn't mean they always want to hang out with you. Of course, you have every right to demand a certain amount of time with your loved one. After all, they've been away for months and there's a lot of catching up to do, but try to remember that they've been surrounded by people their own age 24 hours a day for close to nine months. Going from 20-year-old banter to 50+ year-old gossip isn't necessarily what your college guy or gal wants to do, so don't be offended if they choose their friends over you more times than not. You're important to them, don't forget that.
4. Mutual respect needs to be just that; mutual. I understand that it's difficult to go from disciplinarian to background noise in your child's life, but try to think of them as your equal, but maybe a notch or two lower. Odds are, your child will want to prove to you that they've matured while away, so give them the opportunity to do so by treating them like you would any other adult.
The most important thing for both parties to remember is that you've all changed, so use the time you have together to get to know each other again. Living with your parents doesn't have to be added to your list of roommate horror stories, and having your child return doesn't have to be a burden. If you follow each of these steps, I can assure you that not only will you have a newfound appreciation for your loved one, but you'll also notice that you've found a friend. Happy Summer, roomies!
