It started in fifth or perhaps sixth grade when I already lost my first best friend, who was also my next door neighbor. I honestly can't tell you exactly how it happened or why we even stopped being friends. I remember we would get in arguments on AIM and email about petty things and eventually we just met different people and moved on from each other. I wish I knew why or how we ended because I still wish we were friends.

Then, in the beginning of 7th grade, I got bullied by the people I thought were not only my friends but my best friends. I met them in 6th grade and we were inseparable. I did everything with 'these' friends. One day I was on MySpace and I saw my best friend was talking crap about me to the guy I had a crush on. Of course, I confronted her. What she did next I'll never forget. From that point on, she rallied all of our friends together and started to bully me. They were cropping me out of pictures, harassing me on myspace, being rude to me at school, the list goes on. And it hurt and of course I had to see them every day because they were in my core class.

I had to hide how I felt every day at school and it sucked. I had to remake new friends because all the people I thought were my friends dumped me. I guess they weren't true friends. I don't want to mention names because it's ancient history now, but from that point on I became different. From just those experiences I built a wall whenever I met new friends.

When I think back from 7th to 11th grade, I had different, new friends every year. Some stayed in my life throughout the years and others left as quickly as they came. I've lost a lot of friends, but want to point out the main ones that I think are important and made me who I am now.

Starting from 11th grade to 12th grade, I began to make a circle of friends who I trusted. There were two main people, and we hung out so much that we became known as "the three amigos." We hung out almost every day, whether it be after school or on the weekends. We would workout with each other, go to parties, go on drives, eat together, have sleepovers, talk about boys, I mean everything you would talk to your best friend about, and that's what they were my best friends.

And then one day all of a sudden I woke up and they weren't there anymore. We all went off to college and of course, we still talked freshmen year and saw each other on our breaks, but then eventually everyone started doing their own thing. I was so up my boyfriend's ass at the time and whenever my two friends asked to hang out I always declined because of him. Eventually, one of them had enough and she drifted away from me, which really hurt. I understood why because I stopped hanging out with her because I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I couldn't hang out with my friends and she didn't understand that at the time and I couldn't either. I thought what I was doing was normal, but I learned otherwise over time. And the other friend, she was having a blast at college and drifted away from the both of us.

I think I'm the only one now that tried to keep in touch. It hurts because I was so close to them and I have a hard time understanding how they could just leave me that fast. I still try to reach out, but a part of me feels like they don't want to be friends with me anymore. They don't reach out or contact me at all.

So that's why I'm done trying to be friends with anyone. From my own experiences, I've learned the hard way. I don't feel like I can trust anyone because they leave so fast. I just don't want to become vulnerable again and then they leave. It just hurts so much. So I tend to push myself away from people that I feel could become my friend.