The sex education I received was essentially a partial understanding of what happens during sex and enlarged pictures of different diseases you can get from it, as well as an understanding that sex before marriage should never happen. In retrospect, this was a far better sex ed than what some kids get.

Only 13 states require that sex education be medically, factually and technically accurate. Twenty-two states mandate sex ed, but allow for the state to create their own script, and 35 states allow for parents to opt out of sex ed for their children. This means that what your children is learning could be completely wrong. Other states, mainly those following an “abstinence only” program, do not allow the teacher to mention the word abortion.

Abstinence-only education teaches against premarital sex, and does not speak of other aspects of sexual reproductive health, such as birth control options and how to practice safe sex. This education often “victim blames,” promoting the mantra “boys will be boys.” Some schools use the Heritage Keepers Abstinence Education, which is a classroom-based curriculum that teaches students the benefits of practicing sexual abstinence and the risks that can be associated with sexual activity outside of marriage. Their handbook is a perfect example of victim-blaming and slut-shaming, stating “…Girls need to be careful with what they wear, because males are looking! The girl might be thinking fashion, while the boys are thinking sex. For this reason, girls have a responsibility to wear modest clothing that doesn’t invite lustful thoughts.”

The idea of abstinence-only sex education does not work. Kids are going to learn about sex regardless, and if it is not done through the school, they are going to find other ways, such as the internet. Since much of the information online is unmonitored, what they’re learning could be wrong. Overall, teen pregnancy rates are declining, yet in states that have an abstinence-only education, studies show that teen pregnancy rates are much higher. Abstinence-only creates an overwhelming shame and fear attached to sex, making people scared of healthy sexual behaviors. It also relies heavily on the scare tactic, which is basically scaring kids into not having sex before marriage.

In general, many sex ed programs discriminate heavily based on gender, and also use anti-gay rhetoric. They often make women feel bad about themselves if they have sex before marriage. For example, certain schools in Mississippi have female students pass around a wrapped piece of peppermint candy to show how dirty the wrapper gets. They then connect it to how a girl is if she has sex before marriage -- the more times she has sex, the “dirtier” she is. Similarly, other schools stuck one piece of tape to multiple male students’ arms, causing it to lose its sticking power. They connected this to what a girl is like if she has multiple partners. In some parts of Alabama, teachers must tell their students that homosexuality is “not a lifestyle acceptable to the general public.” And in Mississippi, teachers are forbidden from showing students how a condom works. Not showing a kid how a condom works will not prevent him or her from having sex -- it will only mean that when they do, they most likely will not use a condom.

Changing sexual education in schools is important. Not only does it give kids a knowledge and understanding of sexual behaviors, but, if done right, it also the ability to teach kids about more than just sex. If started young, (grades K-12), schools can provide age-appropriate information as kids grow and mature. This would mean starting with second and third grade students, teaching them how to be a good friend, how to deal with disagreements, and respecting others. If schools target kids who are at the very beginning of puberty, they are most accepting of a message that could shape their future attitudes towards sex. Ingraining these sessions into children from the start can also profoundly challenge the rape culture that has taken over our society. Starting from a younger age will also give kids more confidences to speak openly about sex, and anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.

Another way to improve sex ed is to show teens how to use a condom, inform them about birth control/contraception, and be LBGT-inclusive. Many teens are told about the failure rate of contraceptives, instead of the importance of using them to prevent unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. This approach ignores the idea that those who want to be sexually active will be, regardless of what they are taught. If they are continuously told that condoms rarely work, they’ll figure “why bother” using them.

Leaving out LBGT youth in sex education programs implies that they are abnormal and not worthy of inclusion. According to a National School Climate Survey, only about five percent of students reported being taught positive information about LBGT people or issues in their health classes.

I understand that many parents feel that their kids should be taught that sex before marriage is not okay, and if that is your religious belief or just belief in general, then have that talk with your kids privately. But allowing your kids to have a well-developed sexual education provides them with full knowledge, and then allows them to come to you, their parents, with any questions or concerns. This will help them throughout their entire lives.