I was having a conversation with a friend last week and somehow Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer came up. I had a question, "What did Santa and the other reindeer do on foggy nights before Rudolph's existence?" The song suggests one of two things. Either this foggy night that happened was the first foggy night ever in existence, which is hardly likely, or, they had no sleigh-lighting technology and had been imperiled by foggy nights in the past. In that case, wouldn't Rudolph have been welcomed from birth as a hero? And if they would have had ways to deal with foggy nights before Rudolph came along, why would Santa need him that night in the song?

Let's just grant that for some reason, they'd dealt with foggy nights before but this one could only be solved by Rudolph's glowing nose. But when Santa approaches Rudolph for help, he's approaching a reindeer who's been laughed at, called names, and barred from any reindeer games. Really, Rudolph would totally have been within his rights to be like "Screw you, Santa! I've been ostracized literally my entire life! Why the hell should I help you?" And he might have, had he been a little more vindictive.

Of course, he could have been talked into "doing it for the children" or whatever but that's something the song brushes over completely.

My friend didn't know how to answer my question and I'd kind of have already gone on this rant. So I decided to go back to the beginning of the song because I realized there was a lot going on here. "You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. They're the only reindeer we ever learn the names of besides Rudolph (in verse, at any rate). But they've been around since 1822 when Clement Moore wrote them into existence in "A Visit From St. Nicholas." If you're like me, you know it as "'Twas the Night Before Christmas." How long have they been around? Are they immortal reindeer? Just them and the Clauses sitting around, being immortal? They can't all be immortal, we know they are born and they die. And besides that, there are the implications of having eight powerful flying demigod-reindeer probably lording over all other reindeer. That wouldn't be cool.

I have a better explanation. One that sidesteps the immortality problem. Instead, I suggest that in this reindeer society, eight reindeer each holds a title that somehow passes down from generation to generation. Maybe some kind of organization, in which eight Reindeer at a time are trained to deliver gifts? Oh, and right. The flying. Can only Santa's do that? Further, do they belong to Santa? That's a strange relationship. I'll write that off for now and give them the benefit of the doubt because of their common goals, but they don't seem to be pets, and yet they're like, his chauffeurs? It's weird.

Anyway, that's all I've got on reindeer. I hope you all have a fantastic holiday season.