The “Hook-up”. A phrase shrouded in a cloud of mystery and ambiguity. Two simple words that cause so much confusion in modern dating. So much so, in fact, that the term “Hook-up Culture” has become a blanket description of our generation's dating patterns. Because we don’t really know how to define it, we’re labelling it as an entire “culture”. Instead of creating a real meaning for the phrase, we turned it into an all-encompassing, vague categorization. Essentially, Hook-up “culture” is just a modern term for the way we date… without the dating part.
And a lot of people don’t like it. People are saying that by encouraging sexual freedom and promiscuity, it’s ruining the way we have romantic relationships; that having a higher number of casual sexual partners in our lifetimes somehow lowers our ability to love and be loved. Hook-up culture is constantly being blamed for our lack of fairytales and our Unhappily Ever Afters.
But, can we cut the shit for a second? How exactly is this “culture”, which mysteriously doubles as a personal lifestyle choice, ruining you? If you feel that “hooking up”, in any capacity of the word, is devaluing any consenting participant in any way, that’s something you need to take a long hard look at, because that might be affecting your ability to love more than going home with someone you just met would.
A big reason people oppose the Hook-up Culture is because of the way it affects women. And that's an important thing to look at. Because for some reason, women are seen as “victims” of their choices to have hook ups instead of long term relationships. Because any woman spending a night with a man she doesn’t intend to spend the next howevermany years with has to be a lost soul, right? A girl would have to be downright TROUBLED to follow her instincts and satisfy her body’s needs, correct? Men get laughs and fist bumps while talking about their hookups, and women get slut/whore/hoe written on their reputations.
But let’s get one thing straight, gentlemen: if she’s your one-night stand, that means you’re hers too. If you’re going to think of a girl as “a slut who hooked up with that guy”, you should probably start thinking of “that guy” the same way. We need to get rid of the stigma surrounding women that have casual sex. Stop acting like sexuality and sin are equivalent. Stop telling women that their sexuality decreases their worth.
The idea that women are only allowed a limited number of sexual partners is a dangerous type of traditional thinking. Traditional thinking in regards to relationships is what makes us so ashamed to own into our sexuality, and somehow, that type of thought is what people are worried about damaging. The archaic idea that the higher your “body count”, the lower your value, needs to be replaced. These negative things are linked with Hook-up Culture, as if having casual sex is making people more prone to judgement, but this thinking is a whole different breed of deeply ingrained prejudice towards women, and has little to do with the Hook-up Culture
Let’s be real: a lot of people just don’t have time for a romantic relationship. Or even want one. We’re a busy generation. This idea that true love and sex are a package deal is kind of unnecessary at this point. You can have one without the other. Sometimes you need one without the other. No one has time to be traipsing around falling in love all the time just so that they can have their sexual needs met. We need to stop acting like sex is a privilege for married people; stop neglecting the needs of our bodies, simply because we were taught that they’re taboo. They’re just bodies. It’s just sex. Let’s normalize something that truly is normal.
At the end of the day, it’s absolutely a lifestyle choice. Maybe you aren’t into hooking up. Maybe you’re a relationship person. Maybe you’re totally not. As long as you find something that makes you feel happy and fulfilled, I’m happy for you. But just because you wouldn’t make out with a stranger at a party, does not mean someone else can’t. And to be honest, it’s not really any of your business.
