Have you ever gotten frustrated when a friend made a last-minute cancellation? Been upset at your boyfriend because he didn't console you when you were upset about something? Met a twenty-five-year-old who acted like a five-year-old?
Those are all manifestations of the Child archetype, one of the four archetypes of survival that yearns to be innocent and lighthearted and free once more. Why should you care about archetypes? Because whether or not you explore them, archetypes—universal ways of being—will affect you and influence (sometimes even control) your behavior. By discovering which archetypes most resonate with you, you can cease being driven purely by instinctive reaction and begin making choices based out of who you want to be, rather than who you've been.
In my last post, I explored the Prostitute. The Child has six expressions, some of which you'll relate more to than others: The Orphan Child, the Eternal, the Wounded, the Divine, the Nature, the Magical. Although some words have positive connotations (who wouldn't want to be magical?) and some negative, each expression is neutral in its essence and has both light and dark sides. Let's delve into discovering which one(s) you relate most to—and how to use the Child to your advantage.
1. The orphan child
Oliver Twist, Peter Pan, Harry Potter. What do these characters all have in common? They were all orphans, forced to fend for themselves. The Orphan archetype doesn't mean you have to be an orphan; rather, you may feel emotionally or spiritually abandoned by your parents or other trusted loved ones, struggle to cultivate trusting attachments to one of your parents, or just feel lonely.
The shadow side of the Orphan is a person who is too independent. You avoid relying on other people and prefer to do it all on your own. After all, you're the only one you can trust to not leave you.
2. The eternal child
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Peter Pan is the iconic example of an Eternal Child. If you're an Eternal Child, you'll find yourself easily able to put yourself in the shoes of a child and relate to them. Living into the light side of the Eternal Child brings forth the best traits that children have to offer: playfulness, belief, and trust. The older people you've met who are still living life to the fullest and enjoying every minute of it are relying on their Eternal Child for its vitality and vibrant attitude toward life.
The shadow side is easy to see: it's a resistance or refusal of accepting adult responsibilities, being unreliable, and ignore the personal boundaries of other people. That thirty-year-old-man who still lives at home? Your friend who refuses to pay her taxes till the last minute (if then)? The friend who is always late or the housemate who can never quite remember to take out the trash? Probably an Eternal Child.
Living into the light side enables an Eternal Child to keep a bright-eyed, optimistic, delighted view of the world—innocent and full of dreams.
3. The wounded child
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Heathcliff, Anne of Green Gables, and basically every character in Game of Thrones has aspects of a Wounded Child in them. If you have ever experienced emotional or physical abuse or experienced a trauma as a child, the Wounded Child may emerge to protect you.
I've heard friends bemoan why girls stay in abusive relationships—the Wounded archetype's shadow side emerges to keep people trapped in a self-victimizing pattern. If this archetype is active in you, you may often find yourself wallowing in grief and self-pity, telling yourself how bad you have it, and blame your past and your parents for the reasons you behave the way you do. You have a hard time letting go of your hurt feelings, you feel broken, and you feel constantly misunderstood, rejected, or like a failure.
The light side of the Wounded Child brings great empathy for and a desire to help others, particularly those in abusive relationships. Living into forgiveness and finding ways to serve others is one of the most beautiful aspects of the Wounded Child. A Wounded Child is incredibly sensitive to the emotions of others.
When a Wounded Child accepts and forgives what caused them pain, it gives them an incredibly unique ability to be there for others, help them feel understood, and be a source of strength and even healing.
4. The divine child
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The Divine Child is meant to bring up memories of young Jesus as he lived with Mary and Joseph—the most marked difference in this manifestation of the Child archetype is the Divine Child's redemptive qualities. Since this archetype is marked by purity, innocence, and redemption, it is often a hard one for adults to relate to.
However, you may have more of the Divine Child inside of you than you know. Do you seek after spiritual things or yearn to redeem painful situations into places of growth and happiness? Do you tend to have faith in a divine being, or want to have faith that things will work out? That's the Divine Child.
Even the Divine Child has a shadow side. Responding to situations out of fear or with a desire to hurt someone before they can hurt you first is rejecting the faith and purity of this archetype. If you've ever lashed out at someone, felt unable to protect yourself, or felt inundated by negativity, that's the Divine Child too.
5. The nature child
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The Nature Child feels--you guessed it--drawn to nature and connected to the earth. Mary Lennox, Mowgli, and Henry David Thoreau are all Nature Children. The shadow side of the Nature Child may mistreat nature, plants, and people—from something as simple as littering, to expressing disgust about animals (how about all those people who hate on cats?), to destroying plants needlessly.
Getting in touch with the Nature Child's light side is incredibly easy—just go outside! Take off your shoes like a hobbit and let your bare feet connect to the earth; breathe in the frosty autumnal air; take a few minutes to sit still and look at the beautiful fall colors. The Nature Child relates well to animals and finds harmony in nature—just like the natural world, the Nature child is emotional and gentle but also resilient and strong.
6. The magical child
Alice (Lewis Carroll's), Luna Lovegood, and Tiny Tim are all manifestations of this archetype. The Magical Child is the part that is enchanted by other people and causes people to find us enchanting as well. When Anne Frank wrote that she still believes people are truly good at heart—that was a Magical Child moment. It's magic and innocence in the face of ongoing horror, but not in a naïve way—rather in a determined and wise way. In Miracle on 34th Street, Susan Walker declared that she believed Kris Kringle was Santa Clause (even though it was silly). Believing that anything can be possible is the Magical Child.
The shadow side of this archetype is cynicism, cutting people's dreams down, and depression. Perhaps you hide from reality in fantasy worlds (such as video games or TV) or addictions, refuse to take action in your own life, and let these distance you from people in your life. If you're waiting for someone to come along and rescue you rather than determining to rescue yourself—that's the shadow side.
The Child and all its manifestations are a survival archetype. When things are going well, it may not even emerge. But when a stressful, challenging, or grief-filled situation arises, the Child rears her head, instantly ready to protect you. Her method of protection is avoiding the popping of the bubble you live in: refusing to take responsibility, running away, or retreating into fantasy or cynicism.
The world is a harsh place, and the Child sometimes responds with strength: Harry Potter shows how he overcame his abandoned state to successfully transition into being an adult. By accepting that you can cope with stress and grief and become a strong person, you can give your inner Child the tools it needs to face the world with courage and still maintain the innocence and joy of a childlike heart.
