7:00 AM - 7:35 AM: get ready, driven to school
3:00 PM: picked up from school
3:00 PM - 12:00 AM: eat dinner, study, do extracurriculars, procrastinate
12:00 AM - 7 AM: sleep
Repeat
After getting picked up from school, my mom told me that she felt treated more like a chauffeur than treated as a mom, which was completely ridiculous. My job was to get myself into a good school and her job was to love me unconditionally. This is a normal routine. This is a standard routine. This is a good routine.
7:00 AM - 7:35 AM: get ready, driven to school
3:00 PM: picked up from school
3:00 PM - 12:00 AM: eat dinner, small talk, study, do extracurriculars, procrastinate
12:00 AM - 7 AM: sleep
Repeat
I'm getting good grades, I'm not making trouble with my family, I enjoy my extracurriculars, and I'm not being burned out. I thought about what my mom said when she felt like a chauffeur, so I tried to talk more during dinner that wasn't asking a favor such as money for a club or talking about a test.
7:00 AM - 7:35 AM: get ready, driven to school, say 'thanks dad, bye' to dad
3:00 PM: picked up from school
3:00 PM - 12:00 AM: eat dinner, small talk, study, do extracurriculars, procrastinate
12:00 AM - 7 AM: sleep
Repeat
I realized how simple and distant my daily routine was. But I didn't want my relationships with my family to just be "drive me to school, make small talk at dinner, and not really meddle into my affairs unless I got bad grades." It feels one-sided.
7:00 AM - 7:35 AM: get ready, driven to school, say 'thanks dad, bye' to dad
3:00 PM: picked up from school, asked my mom how her day was in the car
3:00 PM - 12:00 AM: eat dinner, talk with my mom in the living room for 10 minutes, study, do extracurriculars, procrastinate
12:00 AM - 7 AM: sleep
Repeat
This quote, along with my mom's confession, made me realize that whether it was intentional or subconscious, "loving" people because they're "nice" was how I judged many of my relationships, including ones with my family. I felt that my family gave a lot, and although I was grateful, I didn't reciprocate it by showing it in ways that they could receive.
7:00 AM - 7:35 AM: get ready, driven to school, talk about the tests that I have that day, my dad offers words of encouragement and jokes, say 'thanks dad, love you bye' to dad
3:00 - 3:15 PM: picked up from school, asked my mom how her day was in the car, shared a joke that my friend said in class, caught up with my mom's progress with her plants and her programming, brought up a quote about "thick and thin love" by Beloved from literature class, remember to talk about it later
3:15 PM - 5:00 PM: eat dinner, talk with my mom about the quote from earlier and debate between "like" and "love" -- mom says learning to love oneself is a hard, hard journey that even she doesn't know if she's completed. Liking something is easy, and actually, it isn't something you can control. For example, you can't help that you like watermelon, the color red, or a certain movie. And you can't help that you don't like someone, or a food, or a color, or whatever else. Liking something is natural, easy. Loving is not. Loving is something you need to learn. You need to be shown and taught love before you can give it back to anyone else. And you need to love yourself before you can love others. Love is something that mom learned from grandma, and she hopes that I've learned how to love by her example. Talk to dad about college and summer planning, asking advice how to be confident around my extremely qualified classmates. He says that nobody is perfect even though they may seem to be, and life is like the stocks graphs that he showed me -- people peak at different times, and some of them do so in high school. But it's not about how fast you get there; it's about how fierce you get there (well, that was a quote from Tyra Banks, but same meaning).
5:00 PM - 9:00 PM: Study, do extracurriculars.
9:00 PM - 12:00 AM: Bring homework to the living room, chat, finish up any work
12:00 AM - 7 AM: sleep
I learned about this quote around the same time my mom confessed to me that she felt like a chauffeur. This quote is important because it serves as a constant reminder for me to consider what relationships I have with other people and how I value them. In other words, I need to think about how much I really value my family or friends or the people that I supposedly love. Love should not be conditional, and there is no such thing as loving only parts of a person or loving people at a certain time. I realize that loving anyone, including myself, is a learning process that takes time and energy to not find the perfect person or try to be perfect, but to be able to appreciate someone even if they do not have all of the qualities that you want them to have. From this quote, I realize that I do not want to only like my family when they're "nice" to me, when they agree with me, or when they give me what I want. My relationships with other people are important to me, and I have learned to treat them as such.
