When you see him in passing.

Ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohnooooooooooo(look at the ground and we’ll be safe look at the ground and we’ll be safe)

“Hey, what’s up?”

OhmygoodnesshejustrecognizedmyexistenceGodhelpme

What do I say? Oh no I have to say something in return! Wordswordswords. What are they? No speak. Can’t English today.

“I’mgoodhowareyou?”

Oh no. It’s too late. He’s already talking to that drop-dead-gorgeous girl that’s in three of his classes. It’s too late. They’re probably already engaged. Now I’ll have to go to their wedding. AAHHHHHHHGGGHHH. Alright. Head down. Keep walking. You know, being forever alone has its benefits. You could own twenty cats and eat chocolate all day. Yes. Chocolate. That’s what you need now. And maybe five episodes of New Girl.

“We should get coffee sometime.”

Is this a date? Should I plan a wedding? Is this casual? What should I wear? WAIT. Hold everything. Stoooppppp! He didn’t give a time and a place… Is that just his way of saying hey you’re nice but I’d never want to date you? He hates me. Obviously. That is the logical conclusion.

“You look tired.”

Is he trying to say I’m ugly in a nice way? Or is he just concerned for my general welfare? Maybe he’s actually trying to compliment me. Maybe he’s saying wow, you stayed up all night studying. What dedication. What an intelligent young woman who still looks hot even after no sleep and about five coffees buzzing in her veins. No. who am I kidding? He definitely thinks I’m ugly. He probably hates me too.

You see him with his friends and they nudge him as you pass.

Bro-code. What is it? What does it mean? Does he just enjoy deep back rubs with elbows? I can respect that. Did he have a massive spider on his back that his friends just saved his life from? Wow. He was so calm about it. What a brave man. Or… does it… could it… no. NOPE. He DOES NOT like you back. You are not allowed to entertain such an outlandish possibility. He probably hates you. Yup. He definitely hates you.

“Oh. We have that class together?”

Yes. We do. I made sure of it. I asked a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend who knew your friend who was acquainted with your best friend to find out what your class schedule for this semester was and so, yes, remarkably enough, we are in Quantum Physics May God Save Your Soul It’s Science and Math Combined 425 with Dr. Prof. Rev. Mr. Triple Ph.D. even though science isn’t actually my major. Marry me?