What do you see when you look at me?

Maybe a pretty girl with her life in front of her? A future success? A college student? A friendly face? Family? But who do I see?

I see someone who was given the world heaven in all because of the love of her family. That slowly fell into the fire pit with every illness, pain, and suffering I had to watch my loved ones go through. My own personal hell is being helpless to them.

I see someone who lives everyday in constant fear of whats next? What bad thing is gonna happen today? Am i gonna lose someone today? Am i gonna fail ? My anxiety is not nice and makes me irrational and over worrisome. It makes me not want to be happy for long because then something will take it away. It even makes me take away my own happiness so life doesn't.

I see someone who is in college. But is not the average student by far. I'm pretty smart yes but I have also dealt with a minimum of one death every year from freshmen year. I have been so depressed I had to take a semester off just to get help. I have had to repeat classes because I was struggling and afraid to ask for help. I have had my scholarship taken and given back due to all these circumstances interfering with my grades.

I see someone is has a great family and amazing friends who have stuck with me through everything. And its not easy. I have gone days not wanting to talk to anyone just in my own mind. I have self harmed and lied to everyone so i could continue to control my own tears. I have had panic attacks so bad I had to leave class and cry in the bathroom.

Most importantly i see a fighter. I fight everyday to stay happy, to smile, to finish school, to overcome all my challenges. I am not my past but rather the present I have a future and I am looking forward to it..

When others see my they may see a failure but I see a successful story in the making. Never give up on yourself.