For as long as I can remember I always had self deprecating thoughts. I always thought everyone questioned whether people truly cared about them or if every compliment was given out of pity. I thought it was just a “girl thing”. It wasn’t until I got to high school that I realized it wasn’t normal and that there was something wrong. The word anxiety had never been in my personal vocabulary until that moment. I knew of it, but I always thought only mentally ill people got anxiety. There was no way that was what was wrong with me. I was wrong.
When I first told my boyfriend he didn’t understand. He told me to just calm down. Practice some breathing exercises. It’s hard for people who don’t have anxiety to understand. You don’t get how we can’t control the thoughts or the feelings, and you never will. You will never understand the struggle because you don’t go through it every day and that is perfectly fine. But trying to sweep our symptoms under the rug makes us feel that they are not important, that our disorder does not deserve your attention. We know it's because you can't process the thought of how someone could possible think like that but we do and it isn't an issue we can just "get over." Anxiety is hard. Anxiety is like being locked in a cage and having the key to get out but something is keeping you from freeing yourself. Our brains are attacking themselves and we are fully aware it is happening, yet we can't stop it. We are bystanders to a fight going on in our minds.
All you need to know is we just need support. There will be days when we don’t believe you when you compliment us or question if you truly like us. We know it’s annoying and we know you don’t understand but we can’t help it. Know that it isn’t because we don’t trust you. We hate asking but if we don’t it’ll drive us crazy. It has nothing to do with you. You just need to grin and bear it. As soon a we get reassurance we will be better. Know that there will be days where we get in our own heads and tear ourselves down and there is nothing you can say or do to make it better. All you can do is be there for us. Know that it isn’t your fault and don’t feel guilty because you can’t fix it. Know that anything can be healed with enough love. Thank you for everything you do. It is truly appreciated.
