Heartbreak. It's tough.
Growing up, I've always been an independent girl who never NEEDED to date anyone because I felt content with myself. I've had struggles internally, but I didn't ever truly develop "feelings" for anyone in high school. I dated one boy for about a month, my sophomore year, and that was it. I got bored easily.
Then I came to college. First semester, I was free as a bird. Joined a sorority, went to parties, had a great time. I was living my best college life. Then I was invited onto a frat date night and everything changed.
One of my sorority sisters asked if anybody would want to go on this frat's date night, and I volunteered. I didn't know who my date was going to be, but I figured it would be a fun time so I decided to go.
A couple of months later, I still talk to my date every day and we've spent so much time together. I never got bored of him. It was different somehow.
Unfortunately, things ended. But I've learned so much through my first heartbreak, and I want to share.
1. I am not second-choice.
This is a big one for me. I would always drop what I'm doing to hang out with him. This isn't a bad thing, but when it gets to be that he wants to hang out AFTER his friends leave, and it's getting later and later in the night, second-choice begins to creep in. I would always hold off on plans with friends just to hang out with him. My friends would go out to eat or have fun and I would stay back. That's not how it should be. If he doesn't see you as a priority like you see him, something is definitely wrong.
2. Sometimes you have to ask for help.
Friends are there for you. Family is there for you. Heck, even strangers are there for you. God is always there for you. Sometimes, these friends/family don't know you're hurting, and you have to tell them. And that's okay. It's okay to ask for their help. It's hard to admit defeat but it's so worth it. I'm not a hug person, but somebody forcing a hug onto you will send you bawling, which is okay. It's okay to feel. I've never been the type of person to care if somebody texts me or not, but through this heartbreak, I would check my phone constantly for any type of communication from friends. I even would tell them to send me uplifting things. Soon, playlists, verses, quotes, and just people saying hi would flood my notifications. It's okay to ask for it.
3. Sometimes, you DON'T have to ask.
They know. People can tell. I remember one day I came back from class, and I stood outside the door of my dorm gathering up enough strength to walk inside the living room and go straight to my room without anybody noticing I was upset. I failed miserably. As soon as I walked in, I heard "what's wrong?". It's nice to know that people care and that you have a support system.
4. I am a CATCH.
This is something I learned way too late. I'm confident, but one day it just clicked. I am a great girlfriend. I am going to make a great wife. I was literally bragging about myself to my friends about this. I'm not saying that you should be self-conceited, but it's okay to realize, "Yo, I'm worth so much more than I'm being treated right now". I DESERVE the best. And I will not settle for anything less.
5. God will not take anybody out of your life that he won't replace with somebody better.
This one requires a lot of faith and trust. I get it. But I truly believe it. God kept trying to take this man out of my life after I kept clinging to him until God had to hurt me to force me to let go. Yes, it hurt, but I wouldn't let go. I clung to the idea that this man, even though there were huge roadblocks, could be my love. But God helped me to realize he's not. I even still struggle with it, I'm not going to lie. But if God knew that he wasn't the one for me, imagine how AMAZING the true one will be?! If I think that dude was amazing, just freaking wait until I meet the real man of my dreams. And I'm super stoked to meet him.
6. My life isn't falling apart, it's falling into place.
Just like the amazing song "Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns says, your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place. I've learned a lot of cool quotes about messy lives, but this one really stuck to me. As time goes on, we lose the loose parts of our lives, and more secure things come to take its place. I love Pinterest and all quotes that I've saved as my phone wallpaper or write on my whiteboard.
7. Learn when to fight, and when to quit.
I don't like the word "quit", but it's the most fitting word. Growing up, I've been told to fight for what I believe in. Fight for what's right. But if you're fighting for something that you shouldn't have, you're just tiring yourself out for no reason. I'm not saying to lay down the towel when you get into a misunderstanding with someone or to give up when things get tough. What I am saying though, is know when the effort you're putting in isn't worth it or isn't working. It's a blurred line, but eventually, it becomes clear.
8. I need to focus on myself.
I've never really agreed with the saying that goes along the lines of "you have to learn to love yourself before you love anybody else". That always seemed stupid to me. I always thought that loving others and receiving that love back will help you to love yourself. Now, I see the meaning of it. You have to be sure of yourself and your actions in a relationship. You can't second guess anything. I've come to terms that I really need to work on myself before I get into another relationship. I need to learn love myself unconditionally before I give anybody else that love. I know that I am worth it, and I deserve the best.
9. I AM WORTH IT.
Like mentioned in #8, I deserve the best. I don't deserve a boy who leaves me sitting in my bed alone crying, wondering why he cancels plans three times in a row in one week. I need a man who will text me sweet compliments, who understands me, who is the one to make plans. That's a big thing that I will talk about next. I am worth so much more than doubts and second guessing myself. I am worth so much more than what I think I am.
10. I don't play games.
Honestly, I've never been this type of person. The person who always has to leave the other person on "read" for exactly one hour, or wait to reply because the other person did the same thing. I don't play mind games like that. If I want to talk to that person, I will. Simple as that. I do my part and we'll see what happens. Don't have any regrets.
11. If he wants to spend time with you, he will find time to spend.
This is a fact. As time goes on, if he's not putting in as much into the relationship as he was at the beginning, something is off. I deserve the same amount of effort that I put in. He should want to spend time with you just as much, if not more, that you want to with him. He shouldn't cancel plans, that's a big one. Now, I'm not saying he should drop everything to spend time with you, but he should put in an effort to see you at some point.
12. I don't know what I want.
I never believed in the "you have to date to figure out what you want". I thought that I knew what I want. Getting into a relationship where I thought was perfect, I figured out that I didn't want what I originally thought. Some of the values I wanted were the things that I didn't like about the relationship. I used to hate physical contact, and so I thought that's something I didn't want in a man, but now I love to hug and literally just touch and know that he's there. I don't know what I specifically want, and that's ok. I don't need to know right now.
13. That small voice in your head? Listen to it.
If something doesn't feel right and there's that tiny voice in your head pestering you, listen to it. If there are doubts in your mind, listen to them. You won't have doubts for no reason. Usually, something is happening to give you these doubts. You shouldn't have these nervous voices creep into your mind about things that could go/are going wrong. You shouldn't even have doubts in the first place. Relationships shouldn't make you feel anxious.
14. Lastly, "it really be like that sometimes."
I say this too much in my daily life. It's just a fun quote. But going through a heartbreak has made me realize that it's true. Sometimes, it truly be like that. And it's okay. I just have to take it one day at a time. Some days are tough, some days are easy. Some hours are tough, some hours are easy. Some minutes are tough, some minutes are easy. It's a work in progress, and I'm okay with that.
Now, I'm not saying I'm an expert in the field of love and relationships, because trust me, I know I'm not. But I do know that I've learned so much about myself through this experience, and I don't regret it. I just wish I realized how much I'm worth sooner.
So to whoever is reading this: You are worth it, you deserve the best, and don't settle.
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