I remember our first date.
I was so innocent standing there in my skinny jeans and converse, looking at you wondering how you ever wanted to go out with a girl like me. I remember leaving that night wondering when I would see you again, because the excitement was too overwhelming- and I checked my phone every minute to see if you'd text me. Little did I know that on that day, that day that seemed so innocent, that you were going to change my life. And so it goes, the good girl fell for the bad boy.
You were so perfect at first. You held every door open for me. You paid for every meal, despite the fact that I tried so hard to sneak just one by you. You found every excuse to make me laugh, and took every chance you could to tell my you loved me. We spent everyday together, and no matter how much time went by we were never sick of each other. There was no other placed we'd rather be than with each other. I fell so fast that I never quite had time to catch myself, and looking back- I wish I had.
Because then it stopped. You didn't hold doors open for me. You didn't make me laugh, but instead made me cry. You didn't pay for meals, or anything at all actually. You didn't tell me you loved me, unless I gave you what you wanted. Instead of hanging out with me, you always left me wondering where you were and who you were with. Everything changed so fast that I went from falling in love to crashing and burning. It seemed like months and months went by where we argued and fought, till eventually we were just seeing who could scream louder. It got to be so toxic from the cheating, to the lying, to me probably driving you crazy, that breaking up with you is the only choice I had. Though we still every now and then, there are still so many thing I wanted to say. That I wanted you to know. That I hope you know.
I'm okay. Despite what you think, I really am okay. I'm at complete peace with everything. Honestly, I've been at peace with it since we broke up. Our relationship became so toxic that when I finally pulled the trigger, I had been ready for a while.
And I knew you were too.
I'm happy. And I'm not the happy where I just say that I am happy, I'm the happy where I truly feel it. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face. I wake up everyday excited for a new day. I love my life, and I hope that you feel the same way. Because...
I'm happy for you. Despite what you think, I don't hate you and I don't go around talking bad about you. Quite the opposite actually. I am genuinely happy for you and everything that you've done since we've broken up. Though we aren't close now, I will still always care about you and hope the best for you.
I don't miss you. That may seem harsh, but I know you feel the same. We were too toxic- two puzzle pieces that didn't fit right together. I may miss the fun times we had together, but those are memories I will always have- memories I will not forget.
I don't regret dating you. Even though we fought like crazy, I still loved you. I still loved the good times we had, and the lessons that the bad times taught me. You may have drove me crazy, and I'm sure I did too- but I don't regret something that once made me smile.
Lastly, I'm better. When we were together, I was a different person. I was angry, confused, and I didn't treat you how I should have. That doesn't excuse you for treating me like shit though. What I'm saying is that we both were wrong. I was too tough on you, and you didn't respect me enough. All in all, I've changed a lot from our relationship and without it, I wouldn't be the strong woman I am today. So thank you for giving me the boost I needed. Thank you for making me confident, sexy, and smart. You changed me, and for that, I'm thankful.
