As a soon-to-be junior in college, I have a lot of things that I know now that I wish I knew then. "Then" being specifically when I was transitioning from being a senior in high school to a freshman in college. And even to this day, I distinctly remember how I felt during that transition. I felt anxious for graduation and for my future. I felt sentimental about junior prom, senior ball, buying my first car, etc. Most importantly, I felt like I was walking through a darkened hallway called my future, grasping for whatever I could that would light the way. I didn't know where I was headed or even if what I accomplished in high school would give me success later on. This here is a list of what I would tell my younger self so I would realize that there is no way to know what lies ahead, but it's important to find solace in the present.
1. First and foremost, I would congratulate myself on making it as far as I did.
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To some, graduating high school is not the biggest accomplishment one can make in life, especially considering what follows, like possibly attending college, landing that big job interview, etc. At least that’s what I thought when I was in high school.
But what I didn’t and couldn’t see at the time is that making it to high school graduation is, in fact, a huge and great accomplishment due to some of the obstacles that can prevent you from graduating otherwise. Some of my very own distant family members never made it past tenth grade.
On top of that, I lived with my very abusive and controlling father from sophomore year up until my high school graduation. He made it nearly impossible to find happiness when he constantly isolated my sister, brother and me as we grew up.
As a young teenager full of angst to be on my own, I ached for my fantasies to become my reality. I dreamt of being far away from the shrill screams of my father and the police lights reflecting off the kitchen window. The timing wasn’t right though and I had no way of knowing that until now.
And let’s not forget, there were those who struggled with self-harm, identity issues, bullying, drug addictions, and even the deaths of their own parent(s). High school is not an easy time in life. Even some adults might declare this, despite being far past the time frame where high school is fresh in their memory. Now I know that graduating from high school was an accomplishment within itself for me and every other person who walked that stage.
2. “Everything happens for a reason.”
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes we just don’t know what those reasons are and probably never will, at least in this lifetime. So, I would tell my younger self that all of the decisions I made and many of the things that happened to me, ended up having quite a significantly positive impact later in life.
Sometimes I’m ashamed to admit it, but I joined 5 clubs in high school (excessive, right?). This was partly because they were clubs based on my hobbies and also because it was one more reason to go home later than usual (which meant less time being in the presence of my controlling dad). At the time, joining those clubs seemed somewhat stressful, but they filled my time with things I liked to do, which is always beneficial for the soul.
I couldn’t have known, though, that those clubs would contribute to me getting into college. My SAT scores were decent, but not necessarily good enough to get me into a great college. After all, sitting in the same room tends to weaken the mind after eight hours of testing. However, colleges like to see that you are “well-rounded,” as they like to call it. Being involved in my school through extracurricular activities really helped me to get into a college of my choice and was even better looking on my resume. While in high school, I only thought that I was buying time away from my dad by being in clubs. When in reality, I was paving the way for my future at Alfred University.
3. I’m happy that you dyed your hair black because it made YOU happy.
Trying to explain to people now, as a natural dirty blonde, that I used to have jet black hair for three years stirs up quite the response. I usually get the typical scrunched up eyebrows followed by the question of “Was it because you were ‘emo’ or goth?” And my answer is always no.
I dyed my hair black because it matched who I felt I was on the inside. By that, I mean that black hair simply matched my perspective of who I was back then; it’s how I wanted those around me to see me.
Anyone who looks at my profile pictures, school IDs, or even my various driver licenses, will most likely comment that each one looks drastically different from the one before or even after. I dyed my hair a lot in high school because I easily became bored, wanted change, and felt as though my outer appearance no longer matched how I felt internally. It’s probably not a common reason for why one would dye their hair, but I’m happy that I did it because it made me happy.
4. College is not what you expect, so please, brace yourself.
I think one of the hardest things that I would have to tell myself as a senior in high school is that college is not going to be what I expect it to be, or could have even predicted, at all.
Most people who go on to attend college oftentimes hear that, “College is so much harder than high school,” or that, “The professors won’t care if you fail because it’s on you to attend class.” But what your high school teachers and family members who have attended college don’t tell you is that college is a breeding ground for rape culture. They won’t tell you that as a female, within the first six weeks of being a freshman, your chances of being raped are considered the highest.
They don’t tell you that you’ll have to face the fact that you’re on your own now. That means coming to terms with who you are as a person, specifically a part from your family and hometown friends that you’ve probably known since preschool.
They won’t tell you that it is quite possible, and maybe even likely, that the first people you meet at college won’t be your friends for the rest of your life (and that’s OK).
They also don’t tell you that at college, it is okay to be a nerd (to a certain degree) because learning is pretty cool after all.
I personally found all of these things to be true by my second year of college and I did not hear any of these things spill from the mouths of those who went to college and miss “them good ole days.”
5. And lastly, I would tell myself that it is OK to be alone.
Yes, I said it! Being alone is a good thing.
Maybe this just happened for me in my high school, but being alone seemed like an awfully bad and loser-ish thing to do. Only nerds were alonein the library, cafeteria or hallways.
But that is a lie (at least for college and then on, because let’s face it: kids in high school can be mean).
Being alone is essential in growing as an individual and I learned that through endless hours of alone time in the library and walking around campus. Let’s be real: it is impossible to always be with your roommate, suitemates, or even that girl you just met in class. There are going to be moments where you have to be alone, whether that’s for 5 minutes or 3 hours.
Embrace those moments. It was in the first year of being in college that I realized how much being alone is actually beneficial.
I began to think, “Hey, maybe I’m not that bad.”
Seriously though, being alone gives you time to listen to your thoughts. Instead of thinking of the perfect joke to crack or scrolling through your newsfeed, you’re alone and can concentrate on yourself.
It was in those alone times that I realized I have spent a lot of time avoiding getting to know myself. That sounds strange, but I’m sure some of you can relate. By being alone, I came face to face (or face to thought?) with my personal quirks, random ideas, fears, and especially my strengths and weaknesses.
I gained the confidence to admit to myself that I was afraid of being alone for quite some time because I didn’t know what would come out of it. For those who spend a lot of time focused on others and making sure those around them are happy, it is quite enlightening to finally come to terms with the person staring back at you in the mirror.
Unfortunately, I can’t go back in time and whisper these things into my younger self’s ear. I can, though, appreciate these things that I have learned. After all, what fun is life when you are born equipped with all of the lessons there are to be learned?
