Hey, it's your mother.
When I was your age (not sure how old you'll be when I show you this), I most likely had a boyfriend. We most likely broke up. It happens.
From being a small child to a young adult, you will constantly fantasize on what your wedding will be like. What celebrities will be invited, if you'll get married in the Bahamas, and most importantly (at that age, anyway), chocolate fountain or no chocolate fountain? So many details. You'll often go through life thinking of the possibility that the person, boy or girl, that you are with right now could be your husband or wife one day. And it means nothing other than: "What if?"
You'll go through a lot of people in your time of adolescence. But sometimes, there is that one person that is going to stick with you. You'll be together, and it doesn't matter for how long, but when he leaves, you'll feel like your heart as been ripped out of your chest. You'll feel like you've been dragged down into a body of water to the point where you can't swim to the surface. You'll replay the memories in your head, and it hurts more now than ever. You'll even make up scenarios in your head of getting back together with him, and how it'll be and how you'll feel. You'll realize how uncertain life is, but even then you'll hold onto the possibility of something happening because "you can dream."
But after that, you're going to start to get compulsive. You'll think about him every day. You'll think about what he is doing. You'll think about if he is talking to someone else. You'll get paranoid, like really paranoid. You'll also start crying. And then play your favorite songs to ease the pain, but then you remember it was his favorite song, too. After that, you'll just want to go find him and tell him you can't live without him. You'll want him to hold you and you'll want everything to be okay. But it's not. It's really not.
But I can tell you this: It will be.
Whether you choose to hold onto him or not doesn't dictate the universe's decision to give him back to you. It's the universe's decision, or God's decision nonetheless, whatever you believe in. And that's even more of a reason to not fight it. If something doesn't go right, go left.
I'm basically saying, move on. Moving on is hard, and some of us, including myself, know it all too well, and I'll tell you about all that one day. Because the thing is, even when we try to move on, it all comes back and sometimes hits you more or less harder than before. But the weird thing is, we tend to hold on to the things that hurt us the most. But if you have the courage to move on, I suggest you do so.
But I want you to know that everything you're going to feel, first boyfriend or 10th (even if it's not a boy), is normal to feel. Just because it's normal doesn't mean you need to feel it. You can move on and find someone else. Don't think about all of it too much. If he leaves, go be free. Do all the things you haven't before. Go party with your friends. Go to bonfires.
You'll be okay. Because I was.
