In 6 weeks, I will be 26 years old. It’s a scary thing to think about; I am roughly 4 years away from turning 30. It’s crazy because just when I’m starting to embrace 25, it’s over. A few years ago, I was so afraid of turning 25, mostly because I wasn’t where I wanted to be. You see, I had BIG plans for my life by the time I reached 25. I used to imagine that I’d be married with a kid or two. I’d have my college degree, maybe two; I’d have my own house, I’d be living in Atlanta making big changes in the world.

Life didn’t turn out that way.

I’ve always had this deep obsession with having my life together. I think it’s because of my OCPD, that’s Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I’m a perfectionist, so I’m super hard on myself. When things don’t go exactly as I plan…the results aren’t so pretty. I was obsessed with having my life together. It’s didn’t have to be perfect, but I wanted it to be damn close. I spent so years of my life writing out my lists and goals. I made vision books, I prayed to God about what I wanted and somehow, my life didn’t turn out how I thought it would. With each passing year I told myself, “this year will be better”. I thought that by 21, I’d have it figured out…nope. So, I told myself, “By 25 I’ll have it all figured out,”

I’m almost 26 and I still don’t have this sh*t figured out. But I’ve learned sooo much at 25, and I’m a better person because of it. Here are 5 things I’ve learned since turning 25:

1. Your frontal lobe, which is where all of your decision making skills comes from, doesn’t fully develop until you’re 25.
2. My body is great, just the way it is.
3. My mental health is important as hell.
4. It’s okay to talk about sex and sexuality.
5. It’s okay to not have it all together; lots of people don’t.

It’s a bit of a nerdy fact but an important one. It’s also why your car insurance goes down at 25. You’re less impulsive and think rationally by 25. Or, at least you should. Before I turned 25, I was so unsure of myself; I was constantly second guessing who I was and what I’d become in life. Now that I’m almost 26, I’ve definitely become more grounded in myself. I’m making decisions based on rationale, not just temporary feelings and impulses.

I’ve always been told that I have a nice body, but I personally never saw it. I spent a lot of time in the mirror picking apart what was wrong with me: my boobs were too big, my thighs were too thick, I had a bit more tummy than I’d like, my ass was entirely TOO big. Now though? I look in the mirror and smile. I’m okay with myself, thick thighs and all…

I’ve always been that person who’s neglected myself and sometimes. I’ve always been told that I put everyone above myself (curse my giving and caring heart). However, after almost having a nervous breakdown towards the end of last year, I made a vow that I would take better care of myself. It hasn’t been an easy job but, I take time for myself. When I feel myself getting stressed, I do deep breathing exercises, I pray, I write, I drink a glass of wine; anything to keep me from punching a wall or blowing up a building.

I’ve never been a prude but, I kept all thoughts about sex to myself because I thought people would look at me as if I’d grown a third head or they’d be ready to whip out the blessed oil. Knowing your body is important; at least it is for me. And when I say know your body, I’m not just talking in terms of having sex. We as women, African America women especially, don’t talk about our vagina’s. Instead, we pass down old wives tales…like using tampons is only for girls who’ve had sex. That’s completely untrue, but we still believe those lies. I’m all about discussing birth control, periods, yoni steaming, and yes, even sex. Because who’s going to know you and your body better than well, you?

Since graduating high school in 2009, I’ve lived in this constant state of failure. I didn’t officially start college until I was 20. I didn’t get my license until I was 20. I still live at home with my parents. I won’t graduate from college until I’m 26. I probably won’t start having kids until I’m in my 30’s. I used to be so ashamed of myself because I would see people that I’d graduated with, even my friends, reaching milestones like applying to grad school, getting their first car, getting an apartment, getting married, having kids. And while I was happy for them, I was sad for myself at the same time. Now that I’m 25 and the scales of propaganda have fallen from my eyes, I’m realizing that there are more people like who are struggling to get their ish together and it makes me feel like less of a failure. Plus, some of the greatest people didn’t reach their greatest potential until much later…hello Oprah, Taraji P Henson, and J.K. Rowling!

Aside from those five lessons, the most important lesson I’ve learned since turning 25 is that my life is exactly how it’s supposed to be. I’ve learned that nothing happens by chance. Sometimes, we can want something so bad, but God ultimately has bigger and better plans for us. What if I had gone off to Clark Atlanta right after I graduated? I was 18, and hated everyone in my family at the time. I strategically choose to go away to college because I wanted to get away from everyone in my family. Going to college was my way of changing my life, of creating my own destiny. I wasn’t ready for my plans; I wasn’t ready to be married at 23. I was nowhere near emotionally ready to be in a relationship. I wasn’t ready to have a kid at 25. If life had gone according to my plans, I would’ve pushed my kids to have everything that I didn’t, to be everything I couldn’t be. Hell, I probably would’ve gotten an abortion if I’d gotten pregnant.

Who I was then was not ready for adulthood. If life had gone according to my plans, I would’ve been a terrible mother, a terrible wife, and an all around terrible person.

Does it bug me that I’m not as far as I wish I should be? Oh all the time! But the beautiful part about it is that, I got the opportunity to mend some broken relationships. I got the chance to really discover who I was. I was so bitter and so hurt and so angry at 18. I didn’t forgive my parents and my family until I was 23. It took me five years to sort through my feelings about my family. In that time frame I could’ve lost both of my parents; and if my so-called dream life had become a reality, my parents could’ve died and I never would’ve gotten the chance to say I’m sorry. Today, my parents are my best friends. We laugh together, we got on each other’s last nerves, but I love them and I’m so thankful to have them in my life.

At 18 I was insecure in myself; I felt inferior to anyone. If I had gotten married back then, I would’ve been the perfect target for an abusive relationship. But I’ve grown stronger, found my voice and now, I refuse to take BS from anyone. I’ve come into my womanhood, learned just how goddamn beautiful and smart, and witty, and ballsy, and fierce, and amazing I am. I’ve expanded my mindset as well, because once upon a time I was very narrow and simple minded, but now I have a deep respect for everyone. I try to see things from an objective perspective. I once heard Lauryn Hill say “it’s better to try and understand than to be understood”

I’m not afraid to call you out on your crap and I don’t apologize for it. In a way, I’ve lost my faith but gained something so much deeper instead; I truly found God. I am a Christian, no doubt about that, but I’ve reshaped my views on things to be more open and understanding of people who don’t think or believe like me. If you’re looking for someone to give you a shiny, picture perfect picture of the church…don’t ask me. I am critical of the church, because I know what we are supposed to be; the hands and feet of Jesus. When I look at us as a whole, I see bloody hands and feet that are so dirty that you can’t even see the toes.

I’m nowhere NEAR perfect or even remotely close to where and who I wanna be. I’m almost 26, I’m still in college, I’m single asf, I don’t have any kids, I work as a nanny, I still live at home with my parents, I could stand to lose a pound or two…or 10, maybe 15, I’m salty asf about life at times, I am a Grinch, a scrooge, mean as hell; don’t ask me for a hope speech because I will give you the exact opposite. I am PETTY asf let my friends tell it…but I’m also loving, kind, extremely smart, funny, giving, ballsy, bold, sexy, unapologetic, a lover of all human beings, a spitfire, a sarcastic SOB. I’m all of these and so much more…

And my journey’s only just beginning.