Tears falling, hands shaking, knees trembling, mind every which direction: my first breakdown of this semester’s finals week.
Through my tears and verge of screaming, I found peace. But this peace wasn’t felt immediately; it took a good while. What I realized is that this week has the power to define us. We let our grades, our tests, our studying habits, our comparisons to other people, how much caffeine we can take in before having a heart attack, all define us. Since when do these things hold this much power over us?
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What’s sad is that a lot of college students, including myself, let our grades define our self-worth. What’s worse is that we let our mistakes define that worth. I truly work hard and have made good grades my whole life, so I don’t think anything of it when I succeed. But when I slip, I face-plant. When I fall, I fall hard. And I don’t mean the size of mistakes I make; I mean the effect I let these mistakes have on me. I am guilty of not rejoicing the good grades I make on my tests but instead letting the bad grades tear me down. Why is it that I remember all the tests I haven’t done well on more than the tests I aced?
Why do us students work ourselves so hard that we forget what truly matters? There is nothing wrong with working our tails off and earning what we strive for. What’s wrong is when we forget that this isn’t even why we’re here. We aren’t here on this earth to make good grades, please ourselves and our parents, and then go on just to live a cookie-cutter life always trying to be perfect in our jobs and in everything we do, just because there’s a report card. The reality is that school is just one of many things in our lives that matter. So why do we give it the power this week to singlehandedly affect those other things in our lives?
What if we treated our relationships like how we treat our schoolwork? What if we put that much time and effort into how we treat people and the ones we love? But most of all, what if we treated our relationship with the Lord like it was so important that there was a grade at the end? It’s because that’s how our mind is working these days. We care more about what is seen on paper, than the One we can’t see at all. And I’m not saying is just fake it till we make it, like most of us do in school. I’m saying what if we treated those things like they matter as much as our grades do? If I spent as much time in the Bible as much as I do in my textbooks, I know my life would be different. If I put more effort into relationships in my life, I know I would have stronger ones.
It’s time to stop acting like school is the main thing that holds the key. Society says we fail when we don’t get good grades. The truth is that we fail when we forget about everything else. And I understand your struggles as much as you do. I get it that not doing well on a test you gave things up for and worked so hard for is the most frustrating thing in the world.
So go ahead and join me as I pull all-nighters, most likely drown myself in tears, drink unhealthy amounts of caffeine, and stare at my textbooks till my eyes burn. But this year, I’m not going to let my world fall apart when I don’t get what I wanted. So when you get your grades back, don’t be discouraged if it’s not what you hoped for. Your mistakes don’t define you. Your grades don’t define you. What defines you is how you’re living life for the One that truly matters. And you can start by finding your inner peace through Him this week. Start by seeking Him first and letting everything else fall into place. Use the gifts He has given you, and let your work ethic take you places you didn’t even know you could go. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in college it’s that life goes on. It doesn’t come to a halt just because you think you’re not good enough.
I’m not saying that I’ve mastered any of this. I struggle just as much as the next person. And as I tell myself there’s more to life than my mistakes, I still find myself fighting it. But in the mean time, I am going to relish in the gifts the Lord has given me, while doing all that I can while leaning on Him. So this week, as well as the other 51 in the year, I suggest everyone to do the same.
"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
