Due to the many misconceptions about eating disorders, it is understandable that people often say unhelpful or even triggering things to friends or family members recovering from an ED.While these mistakes are forgivable, it is good to try to avoid them.The following is a list of comments and questions that could be triggering, and also some alternatives.
1. "You don't look sick."
When people think of eating disorders, they typically envision someone who is severely underweight.It is true that many ED patients are underweight, but many are at a "healthy" weight or even overweight.Comments like this can actually encourage ED behaviors, as the person feels that he does not deserve/need treatment.
2. "I wish I had that problem (restriction).I can't stop eating."
It is important to remember that eating disorders are serious mental illnesses that often lead to physical complications and can be fatal.Statements like this trivialize the gravity of eating disorders.
3. "I've lost x amount of pounds."
Mentioning weight loss, especially with specific numbers, can trigger those with EDs.It is best to refrain from talk about weight loss or gain.
4. "You look healthy."
While this may seem like a compliment, people struggling with EDs tend to interpret it to mean that they are fat.
5. "Should you really be eating that?"
Shaming someone into eating or not eating something make the person feel self-conscious about his food choices.Hopefully, he is already seeing a dietician, and is following a meal plan.Some people with EDs may also have "fear foods," and therefore are encouraged to challenge themselves.
6. "I went through a phase of anorexia/bulimia/binge eating disorder."
Eating disorders are not phases; they are serious mental illnesses, and this belittles what people with EDs go through.
7. "That girl has nice curves," or any other body comment whether it is positive or negative.
Many ED patients constantly compare themselves to others.When people comment on other's bodies, it can cause someone struggling with an ED to feel bad about her body.
8. "I just joined Nutrisystem/Jenny Craigs/Weight Watchers," or any other diet
program/fad.
For someone who is trying to form a healthy relationship with food, exercise, and their body, diet-talk reinforces unhealthy behaviors and outlooks towards one's body.
9. "Do you know how many calories/carbs/sugars/fats are in that."
Many people with eating disorders have an encyclopedic knowledge of nutrition facts, however, during recovery, they are trying to develop a healthy relationship with food.Comments like this encourage an unhealthy/obsessive relationship with food.
The following statements and questions are better ways of communicating with someone with an eating disorder:
1. "If you need to talk about anything I'm here."
2. "I'm proud of you."
3. When someone is struggling to complete a meal "Is there anything I can do?"
4. "You seem so much happier lately."
It is always good to keep in mind that although someone may be struggling with an eating disorder, they are still the same person they were prior to their diagnosis, and still want friendships, love, and to be accepted for who they are.
