It's a painstaking responsibility...breaking someone's heart. And have you ever noticed how it comes in stages? The first being the confusion that comes in a wave, the nagging voice that asks you over and over why you're getting annoyed so easily, why your attraction has started to dwindle from passionate kissed to formal pecks here and there. Then there's the numbness you try so hard to fight, lying awake at night trying to convince yourself that you're still in love. Even when all of your instincts tell you differently.

Next is the constant anxiety and obsession of how you're going to shatter their fragile heart that they trusted in the palm of your hand. There's the tears, the confusion, the pleading, the anger, the distance and the hate. I don't know about you, but for me, the hate is the hardest part.

Human beings are so horribly complex. We're fickle. We want things until we have them and realize, not soon enough, that what we told ourselves we wanted was actually much harder than we imagined. The things we told ourselves we needed, didn't actually become all we told ourselves they would. And sometimes we hurt people as a result.

So, what do you do?

I think it varies by person and relationship. There was once a time I believed in staying friends with my exes...until I saw how it created such an opportunity for jealousy and bickering to grow. Breakups need time, especially if you hope to recover a friendship from that relationship. Both parties need time to forgive and forget. As long as the relationship is emotionally significant, being friends will be very challenging. So space to allow your ex to grow apart from you in a healthy way is definitely a good idea.

I remember the first man who really fell apart after I left. I had been falling apart for months, and by the time I left, I felt like I'd been gone for months. I was certain I couldn't live like that anymore. But I never expected him to fall apart in the ways that he did.

So, I stayed up at night, the phone pressed to my ear as his sobs filled every space in my room. I tried to answer when he needed to talk. And I don't know if I made it better or worse. But I didn't want him to feel like he meant nothing. I didn't have the heart to cut him off and be cold while he was so fragile and hurting. And I think it helped him to know even though I didn't want the relationship anymore, I still valued him as a human being.

I've also had someone hate me. And as much as that hurt, I had to let him hate me. That was his journey to repairing his heart, and if being angry with me and hating me was part of that process, then who was I to linger and manipulate his healing process? Everyone grieves and moves forward in a different way...and sometimes the best thing you can do is allow them to do just that. Even if it hurts you, too.

I think when you hurt someone, you have to be incredibly careful and aware of your actions when moving forward because they react to your actions. Sometimes it's okay to answer the phone and be a friend, a calm in the storm. But it's not okay to drag that out because eventually, they need a clean cut to truly move on. You have to be careful not to do anything that might insinuate there is a chance of repairing the relationship.

I think it's okay to swallow their anger, to a point. But try not to take it personally. We all have different reasons for changing our lives as they are, and sometimes we hurt people during those very changes. Of course, they are going to be angry, because their life is changing against their will. Who wouldn't be upset over that? In my opinion, it's a bit respectful to allow someone to be angry with you. Anger is part of the process of handling change. It's a reaction...an emotion. And eventually, it will be gone. But I have found it important to honor the feelings of the person who is hurting. Just don't let that anger eat at your self-worth. It's okay to set boundaries, but it's also important to realize emotions can get high, and sometimes you have to just learn to forgive the things people say when they are trying to hurt you for hurting them.

Getting your heart broken is, in my opinion, one of the worst stages of life one could possibly endure. It's a struggle to bear every moment of every day, trying to adapt to a new life you don't want. And breaking someone's heart is never easy. It makes you feel guilty. It makes you feel obligated to listen to the hurtful things they say, it makes you want to stop their pain. It can make you question yourself and your character, even.

But it's also part of life. We learn to become more delicate.

We learn to take things slow in order to avoid hurting the next person. It teaches us to be more careful with people. It's not easy, but I can definitely say I've learned a lot from my mistakes, that has helped me from making the same ones again.